Consumed In Holy Fire

DO WE NEED REVIVAL IN THE CHURCH?

2011-10-29T18:29:00.001-05:00

Do we need a spiritual revival in the USA? Do we need revival in our own hearts?

I believe revival is our only hope.

Since the USA has been in existence God has used revival and "Great Awakenings" to prick and renew the hearts of people for him both saved and unsaved. This has been taking place about every 50 years for the past 250 years. The last which occured on the Island of Lewis between 1949 and 1953. Lewis is an island located about 760 miles north of London, off of the coast of Scotland.

Since that time America has fallen asleep and become complacent with God and his blessings. We have walked away for the very hand that provided the freedom and wealth to our families, state and country. We are now paying the price for our sins.

We have turned from our maker and have traded beauty for ashes. As the body of Christ we have exchanged Godliness for a lukewarm existence in a church pew dealing with our own day to day existence never looking outside our own walls at a hurting and often dying world.

We have watched as churches have given up their steeples and stained glass for a more seeker friendly shell, all the while ignoring the fact that God doesn't just want us to change the apperance on the outside but wants us to go further and RADICALLY change the inside as well. God doesn't just want want change in apperance but change of heart towards Him and His Spirit.

Without Holy Spirit guiding our lives in all we do and say, there will be no revival or "Third Great Awakening". Without God changing the state of our hearts and of our nation we will cease to exist as a blessed country. We will go down in history as a country that lost it's foundation and heritage that was God breathed.

Don't be fooled by politically correct individuals both from the pulpit and outside that say the natural disasters have not been occurring by Gods hand. I believe with all my heart they have been happening because he has been removing his hand of blessing from our country and the world because we have turned from him. We have lost our first love and God is a jealous God who longs for His Bride.

Satan is the ruler of this world. Second Corinthians 4:4 says this:

4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

Notice god (little g) refers to Satan. He was banished to earth the day God threw him from Heaven. He was given dominion over the earth. God in his mercy and grace decides to protect with his hand of blessing. I believe the natural disasters and financial upheaval has been a wakeup call to us as a people not only in the US but the world.

Second Chronicles says this:

14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Who are my people? Its all of us as the body of Christ. We must turn from our wicked ways and honor God with our lives and walk by faith and not by sight. We must leave behind our complacency and run after God with all we have. We must seek His face with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. If we don't we will surly parish.

Imagine what would happen if instead of Christians going to church to be ministered to we came to church to minister to others. What would it look like if we became FULLY immersed in the power of Holy Spirit in all we said and all we did instead of ignoring Him and His true position in our lives? What would happen if when the elders of our churches prayed for the sick, they were healed?

If we burned to let God lead our lived with his Spirit, would the church have a 50% divorce rate or would it the Spirit of Almighty God reach in and heal the broken hearts and spirits that have held us captive in our depression and doubt.

The questions I have are these. Where are we, where do we want to be and why aren't we there? I believe it all has to do with the state of our hearts as the body of Christ and our lack of desire for God. Revival starts in the church and the church is filled with people who are known as the Body Of Christ. If the church is sick it needs to be made well. It is made well by the power of Holy Spirit.

Unfortunately we have ignored his voice and lost our way. We have become complacent, politically correct and scared to open our mouths for fear of offending others or making mistakes

I think Francis Chan in his book "Forgotten God". Sums up what I'm saying:

“I’m willing to bet there are millions of churchgoers across America who cannot confidently say they have experienced His presence or action in their lives over the past year. And many of them do not believe they can. The benchmark of success in church services has become more about attendance than the movement of the Holy Spirit. The “entertainment” model of church was largely adopted in the 1980’s and ‘90’s and while it alleviated some of our boredom for a couple of hours a week, it filled our churches with self-focused consumers rather than self-sacrificing servants attuned to the Holy Spirit….The light of the American church is flickering and nearly extinguished, having largely sold out to the kingdoms and values of this world….We are not all we were made to be when everything in our lives and churches can be explained apart from the work and presence of the Spirit of God….shouldn’t there be a huge difference between the person who has the Spirit of God living inside of him or her and the person who does not?”

A.B Simpson also has clarity in his teaching about Holy Spirit:

Hindering The Holy Spirit

By A.B. Simpson

God let your Spirit pour out upon our hearts and churches all across America. Awaken those who are dead to you and revive those of us who have lost our first love. Father please forgive us for ignoring your voice. Give us wisdom and your children. Breath on our leadership both in our churches and government and bring us back to a right relationship with you.

HOLY SPIRIT COME!!!!!

250,000 Killed In 2010!!!

2011-03-11T11:34:00.001-05:00

I"m not trying to breed fear at all, but I believe it is imperative that we don't ignore what is happening on our earth right now. God gives us warning signs for the end of the age. There have been devastating earthquakes in China, New Zealand and Japan this month alone. There have been 38 significant quakes worldwide since the beginning of 2011. Last year there were 250,000 deaths from earthquakes. 230,000 deaths in Haiti alone!!!! The quake in Haiti was the 6th largest in recorded history. The one in Japan will rank higher than that. Don't be caught asleep people. Wake Up!!!! The earth is in travailing. This CANNOT be ignored!

Signs have been occuring one after the other, Yet at the same time multitudes are saying that everything has gone on as it always has. But this is not true, even the director of FEMA, James Lee Witt, has said that weather related disasters have been increasing.

People God has given us things to look for. These things are increasing! Here are verses from the Bible:

Luke 21:25-26

"And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars; and upon theearth distress of nations, with perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring; Men's hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken."

2 Timothy 3:1-5

"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away."

Mark 13: 3-13

3And as he sat on the Mount of Olives opposite the temple, Peter and James and John and Andrew asked him privately, 4“Tell us, when will these things be, and what will be the sign when all these things are about to be accomplished?” 5And Jesus began to say to them, “See that no one leads you astray. 6Many will come in my name, saying, ‘I am he!’ and they will lead many astray. 7And when you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed. This must take place, but the end is not yet. 8For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places; there will be famines. These are but the beginning of the birth pains.

9“But be on your guard. For they will deliver you over to councils, and you will be beaten in synagogues, and you will stand before governors and kings for my sake, to bear witness before them. 10And the gospel must first be proclaimed to all nations. 11And when they bring you to trial and deliver you over, do not be anxious beforehand what you are to say, but say whatever is given you in that hour, for it is not you who speak, but the Holy Spirit. 12And brother will deliver brother over to death, and the father his child, and children will rise against parents and have them put to death. 13And you will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved.

Why Can't I Always Heal People In Jesus Name?

2011-02-18T14:03:00.004-05:00

I think its important to know that the supernatural gifts of God are still alive today. I think it's even more important to remember that supernatural power comes from God each time in his time.

Paul, being one of the main persons used by God to proclaim the word and works of Christ was subject to the will of God in healing people supernaturally. Paul could not force Gods hand to heal every sick person. He was simply the "willing conduit" that Gods power flowed through. He did not control the supply of power but listened to the supervisor of the power company when he was command to turn on the power switch. Paul could heal when God gave him "gifts of healing". Each healing or use of his supernatural power was individualistically a gift. Paul told him the power was there each time and commanded Paul to use it. Paul obeyed.

think the American Standard Version put is best:

1 Corinthians 12:9: to another faith, in the same Spirit; and to another gifts of healings, in the one Spirit;

2 Timothy 4:20 says this:

[20] Erastus remained at Corinth, and I left Trophimus, who was ill, at Miletus.,

I feel certain Paul prayed for Trophimus to be healed. They had known each other for some years. I have no scriptural proof of Pauls prayer for Trophimus's healing but understanding that he mentioned him at the end of the letter show his concern for him. If he was concerned enough to mention him I feel sure he was concerned enough to pray for his healing while with him.

For one reason or another God chose not to "turn the power on" in Paul that day. Was it some sin or deficiency in Paul as to why he wasn't healed. Indeed not! God chose not to heal him because it wasn't his will at that moment. Was Paul discouraged? I doubt it. He had a proper prospective of the supernatural gifts and who the power came from.

PAUL HEARD GODS VOICE AS WE SHOULD! Paul knew Gods voice because he had an intimate relationship with him and he fed that relationship on a normal basis through worshiping him. Worship which included, prayer, singing, fasting, obedience, reverence and holy fear and most of allFAITH. God did not force Paul to do what he did, Paul submitted to Gods authority and power willingly because he loved God intimately and wanted to show his love for God through worship and wanted others to know God. Paul also wanted more from his relationship with God.

Is that what you want? If so the bible tells us this in Matthew 22:37-38:

[37] And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. [38] This is the great and first commandment. (Matthew 22:37-38 ESV)

I have a couple of introspective questions for you:

1. Do you have have trouble hearing Gods voice?

2. Do you have a deeply intimate relationship with God?

3. Do you want more from your relationship with God?

4. Do you worship him the way he wants to be worshiped?

5. How do you know?

Heres are some questions to ponder about Satan:

1. Do you hear Satan's voice clearly?

2. Does he care about your relationship with God?

3. Does he want more of a relationship with you?

4. Do you worship him the way he wants to be worshiped?

5. How do you know?

I pray that God will bring all of us to a point in our lives where we surrender, all the worries, troubles and fears the enemy delivers, to our heavenly father who truly delivers. Surrender to the father who loves, adores and longs for our full attention, love and adoration.

Blessings!

Gifts of Healings and Workings of Miracles - Desiring God

2011-02-08T22:45:00.000-05:00

I have become very fond of John Piper mostly for his unabashed way of speaking about subjects that are controversial in the church today. This is one of those subjects. Hope everyone takes a moment to listen to it.

Gifts of Healings and Workings of Miracles - Desiring God

Doing Greater Things Than Christ?

2011-02-03T00:17:00.000-05:00

To all my brothers and sister in Christ. Please read the verse below. I wonder how many of us truly believe that we will do the works that Christ did? Or that we will do even greater things then Christ did? In Matthew 10:8 Jesus sent his disciples out to "Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the leapers and cast out demons. Are we tasked with doing the same and more?

John 14:12-14 - ESV Online

My Life Lesson

2011-02-01T22:19:00.000-05:00

My prayers for some time now have been that God would give me wisdom above all else and that he would help me hear his voice clearly. I've actually been begging for this. I have never "just" wanted to hear his voice through the scripture but also through that still small voice of his Holy Spirit that, through experience, know exists in me.

Understanding that prayer is our way of communicating with God, I never really considered that it's also his way of communicating with us. He has taught me to pray with my mind and make my request known but he has also taught me to quite my mind and heart and listen to his voice tell me who he wants me to pray for and show me how they need prayer. For years I had attributed this to voice to be my own thoughts but God has shown me that it is his Holy Spirit. He has many times proven this to me by bring people into my prayers that I would typically NEVER have typically thought about. It has truly encouraged and enriched my prayer life to know that the God Of The Universe is going to take time to meet with me in my prayers everyday. I speak to him and he speaks to me.

Through Gods increased presence in my prayer life and everyday life, he has brought about true change and understanding that my burning desire to have and intimate relationship with him is truly the only thing that matters. He has also taught me that faith in this fact will bring everything else (Relationships, Provision, Job, Family, Money) into its proper place in my life.

He has also taught me that he is my Dad and that as such, loves me and wants far more than I could ever imagine. He wants me to abandon myself, my desires and aspirations and fully trust in him as a helpless child. In doing so I will become more like him and less like me. His will for my life will becomes my will. His desires become my desires, His thoughts my thoughts and his power my power.

Wow..why did that take so very long. It's amazing how hard I have been to teach. I pray Lord that you give me the strength to make the next 47 years about you.

Dad..thank you for your patience and mercy with me. But above all else, thank you allowing me to hear your voice through your Holy Spirit by the blood of Jesus.

Paul To The Galatians

2011-01-27T09:01:00.000-05:00

Man I love how Paul brings it. Talk about putting the essence of my faith into words! It's only by faith people! Only by faith! You can't earn the forgiveness of Christ. It's a gift that is freely given. Bought and paid for with the blood of Jesus. Obeying the ten command or being good won't get you to heaven. The commandments were a death sentence. The sacrifice he made through death is the ONLY way to to him. PERIOD.

Galatians 2:19-21 - ESV Online

Thanking You

2010-05-20T22:39:00.002-05:00

Lord,

Thanks so much for all you have done for me and my family of the past year and a half. It's been a long time since I've blogged and it seem about the same amount of time since I've had a true relationship with you. As I've gone back through my blog tonight I started to really miss my closeness to you.

Please light the fire again.

Thanks for the time in Colorado this week. It was wonderful seeing my daughter graduate from high school. She has become such a wonderful young woman over the past year. Please continue to grow her and protect her.

Please guide me and my wife in our lives.

I love you!

The Beginning, again.

2009-01-20T11:19:00.005-05:00

Lord,

Today I thank you for your love and guidance and your care for me. You have met me so many times when I didn't even know I needed to meet with you. You know me so intimately. I desire to know you the same way. My life has been so up and down over the years. I've made it through so much with your guidance and love.

I ask that you show me the way you want me to go. For me to sit in this chair and say that I want you will in my life is easy. It's the doing it that counts. I don't want to be one of those people who says they want you will for their life but really means that they want to know what you will is and decide if they want to do it or not. I want your will and I want the courage to do it. I know that your strength through your Spirit will give me what I need so I am asking you now to give me that strength and an extra measure of your Spirit. I want to do you will but I cannot do it without your strength to move in the steps you would have me.

I feel that you are moving me out of the profession that I have been in for some years now. I am not exactly sure what it is that you would have me to do so I want to pray for guidance on specific things:

Seeing that my income has dropped do you want us to stay in this house? It seems as if it is becoming increasingly unaffordable. I know that you can provide all we need but again I ask, do you want us to stay here?
What do you want me to do as a profession?
Do you want me to enter into school and seek a counseling degree and move towards helping other men with addiction?

These seem to be the most pressing question to me. I ask you to answer these and give me direction.

I read the book "How do know Gods will" this weekend. The author read the bible systematically for direction from you. I feel you are asking me to do the same thing. Help me and guide me through your Spirit I pray.

Blessings at ELEVEN

2008-11-07T16:13:00.002-05:00

I wanted to let you how your prayers impacted me this weekend so you’ll know that God truly hears you when you pray. God reminded me quite a few times this weekend that you were praying for me. Thank you for remembering me. I know that this is really long but please take time and absorb what God did.

When I left Friday, I left seeking what and why God wanted me in Ft. Lauderdale at the conference. He had directed me to go to ELEVEN in Ft. Lauderdale instead of going to the men’s retreat with my church. I left Friday morning at about 9:30 a.m and I left expecting. I ended up leaving a little later then I expected because I felt God guiding me to write and ask you to pray for me while I was in Florida. As I left town, I felt the Spirit of God speaking to me. He was saying that this was part of his plan to teach me.

Not knowing exactly what it was that God wanted to teach me, I pressed in to him by listening to a message by Bill Johnson at Bethel Church in Redding Ca. Bill’s church believes strongly in the supernatural and in “signs and wonders”. I was introduced to Bill Johnson’s ministry by my brother in-law on the last trip I made to Ft. Lauderdale. If you remember, that was the trip when the Holy Spirit poured into me while I was sitting relatively alone in the church watching IHOP Kansas City.

Growing up in a Baptist church that didn’t talk about the Holy Spirit much at all and learning to “color inside the lines” this idea of signs and wonders has always seemed foreign to me and hard for me to grasp or believe to be truthful. I have always heard a voice telling me” those types of things are for those cheap tele-evangelists that your grandmother watched when you were little. You know the ones that always had their hand out asking for money?” God moving in the supernatural has always seemed dangerous to believe in especially when I have seen so many failures of what I would consider “those types of people”.

God changed my understanding this weekend!!

As I arrived at the church in Ft. Lauderdale, I was almost giddy with the anticipation of what God wanted to show me. I expected for him to show up but had no idea as to how he would show up. I had about 30 minutes to wait before the evening service started. The Harbour has church on Friday which is “outside the box” of what I’m accustomed to. That wasn’t the only thing God would show me that was “outside the box” while I was there that weekend. As I waited for the service to start I pressed into God through prayer and surrender to what he had for me. As the worship team played I was overcome or should I say overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit yet again. The worship leader sang a song that’s course chanted “My heart melts like wax when you come close”. The next thing I knew I was on my face before God weeping tears of joy. I was saying “God forgive me and make me whole”. God whispered “I have forgiven you and I am making you whole now”. I couldn’t or should I say didn’t want to move from that place for the rest of the worship time. All I wanted to do is bask in the healing and loving presence of the Spirit of the living God. He again was healing me.

The sermon was really good and I’m sure I got something from it but the affect of what God had done while I was on my face in his presence was not easy to move away from in my head. I wanted more and I got more as the sermon concluded. The worship team came back up and played for about two hours after. God moved and maybe 60 people were on their knees in the front of the church worshiping and praising God. Man did he ever make an appearance! God did much more then what I could have imagined and that was only the beginning. As I was on my face again before God, two men at different times came up to me and put their hands on my shoulders. The first man said “I see a fire around you and in your heart. God has you on a new path and has given you a new wineskin with new wine”. He said “You are a warrior of God and will be a leader of men for his glory. He then gave a warning to wait on God”. All I could do was weep with joy at what I had just heard. I was again overwhelmed.

The next day ELEVEN started at 10:00 pm and the worship started again as well. God again had me caught up in his presence. I must admit though that Satan tried to capture my thoughts by having me concentrate on my inner thoughts and how proud I was to be so close to God. He kept giving me a picture of how I was acting and that people were staring at me and thinking less of me. It was the familiar voice of the foe. It wasn’t too hard for me to recognize and when I did I pressed in even harder to God because I know I had Satan on his heals. He was trying hard to keep me from receiving what God had for me.

After worship, Billy Humphrey the founder of IHOP Atlanta gave a message about human trafficking and how Atlanta is the #1 hub of human trafficking and child sex exploitation in the United States. He also spoke about how the Atlanta airport is the largest or busiest airport in the world and was part of this problem. As I heard the message God reminded me of a time about 2 years ago when as I approached Atlanta on a business trip, I felt like Atlanta had a demonic cloud around it. He also reminded me about how as I approached I felt a spirit of depression came over me as I got closer to the city. It came over me so much that I wanted to act out almost immediately when I got to my hotel room in Atlanta. I didn’t act out by the grace of God. God was using Billy’s sermon to opening my eyes to spiritual things he had shown me in the past.

After Billy’s message we broke for lunch. After lunch we had a time of “personal ministry ” which consisted of my being part of a group of 6 people going into a room and being open to having some of 5 or 6 appointed / gifted team members of The Harbour Church give you a word of prophecy that was backed up by scripture. I knew only one of the team members, a women and even then only briefly meeting her once. None of them know me. I say this to qualify their word to me because she is the one God used to give me the word he had for me.

She began by giving me a scripture verse in Matthew. I can’t recall it right now but I do have it on cassette tape. Because I don’t have a cassette tape player I can’t get to it right now. But regardless the verse was about waiting on the Lord. She said that God wants me to wait on him. Of course I was like “wow there it is again”. I’ve got to wait. She then said. “I see a picture of you standing in a wash tub with hardened cement in it and you are laughing. The reason you are laughing is because you are finally seeing why God had you wait and you are like, “Ahhaa that is why you wanted me to wait. It all makes sense now”.

She also said that I need to woo my wife. She said “she is hurting and need to be drawn in”. Well I knew exactly why she needed to be wooed but exactly what the heck is wooing and how should I do it? I through well maybe I’ll buy her some flowers and take her on a date. Boy was I wrong. God had something much bigger.

Later that day a speaker by the name of Brad McClendon spoke. He is a prophetic speaker. I was saying to myself “I’ve got to see this.” Even though there was skepticism in my heart before I walked into the door. I wanted to look at him through the eyes of the 8 year that I was when I spent the night at my grandmother’s house. God was about to shatter that image. Brad is part of Lone Star Ministries and a true man of God who has the gift of the prophetic and of healing. He taught us how exhorting other people affects us and the person being exhorted. I had been exposed to this through what Len has done with us and I think Len would be proud that I kept eye contact with the person that I exhorted for at least 3 seconds before I looked away. The fact is that while I was looking at that person for those three seconds I could feel their spirit being mended as they realized I was serious about what I was saying.

Later that day Brad gave another message. It was a message about walking in the spirit instead of the flesh. It had remnants of the message that I heard Bill Johnson at Bethel give while I was in my car the day before which was Romans 8:5-11. I heard God calling me to listen intently. I heard God telling me to trust his voice and step outside of what makes sense in the flesh or my temporal mind but to engage his Spirit and listen to his voice. The message lasted about 2 hours. Brad continued on and asked people that needed healing from various things to come forward. About 50 people came forward to be prayed for. I noticed and had compassion for one older lady that came forward who had some sort of “tic”. She would be the kind of person that I would typically think was suffering from some sort of mental disorder.

As I was thinking these things, Brad said “if any of you have compassion for someone up here come up and pray with them”. I was quick to go and pray for this woman. As I laid hands on her shoulder I felt that I needed to ask for her healing and for the Holy Spirit to fill her as he had filled me. I never even bothered to ask her how she would like to be prayed for. After I finished what I felt I need to do I heard the Lord say in a loving voice “that’s first of many but you didn’t listen to me, you were speaking to her. Listen to my voice and follow my what I ask”. As I went back to my seat I asked God “who do you want me to have compassion for now Lord?” As I looked to the right I saw a younger lady bowing. He said. “See the girl their?”. I said “yes”. Right then I felt a flood of compassion come over me for her. It was a fatherly love. God said “Tell her how much I love and adore her and that I consider her my daughter. Tell her to trust me and that I am not her earthly father”. I went to her and did as the Lord commanded. As I said the words she started weeping. I heard the Lord say to me “tell her as I have told you that I am not her earthly father but her heavenly father and to trust me” As I told her this started falling forward as she was crying. I caught her by her shoulder. She continued to cry. God said to my spirit, “Ask her if you can hug her and tell her its from me”. She said yes and held on to me hard as she wept. I told her “God loves you don’t worry it’s OK.

This sort of think took place with both men and women for another two hours. I didn’t leave the church until 1pm.

Some of the time I actuall y stood next to Brad McClendon in hopes to glean wisdom from him as he used his gift from till 1am. I literally felt gentle holy winds circle around people who were being healed. I heard people make unusual sounds that jolted me as they were freed from what held them in bondage. I watched Brad’s eyes as he would see spiritual things going on around the person as he was using his God given gift. I could tell he was not looking at temporal things but unseen spiritual things. God had me specifically tuned to his eyes. As he would see things happen in the spiritual realm he would ask the person if they felt that or he would identify the spirit and give commentary of what was happening to the spirit as it was being forced to leave the person. It’s almost like he would step into this gift and step out of it as the work was done. I was in awe of God and Brads gift.

The next day was Sunday I was still “dialed in” to walking in the Spirit of God and asking God what’s next Lord. I felt God tell me “go home this morning instead of tomorrow”. I said “ok Lord”. I told my sister that I was going to leave and packed my stuff. I hung around until about 10am and then hit the road. As I left, I put in a CD given to me by a guy I shared a small parts of my testimony with while at the conference. The CD was from a visiting minister to the Harbour named Sy Rogers. Sy was a homosexual that left that lifestyle 30 years ago and now ministers to churches and people to struggle with addiction. All I can say is that I was overwhelmed. I was so taken by his story that I wasn’t paying attention to my gas gauge and I ran out of gas as I approached Jacksonville.

As I thankfully rolled up to an exit ramp, I said “ok I did a dummy but I felt God smile and say. I’ve got something for you here”. I said “ok Lord I’m all in”. I said, “You must want me to witness to someone that gives me a ride to the gas station”. As I walked up the ¼ exit ramp I was waiting for someone to pull over and offer me a ride to the gas station. About half way up the ramp one car pulled over and then quickly left. I was thinking “they must sense God around me”. Looking back I think that was prideful. I kept walking the 2 mile walk to the gas station and about ¾ of the way there I said to myself “Well maybe on the way back I’ll get a ride and that will be who you want me to talk to about you”. Well guess what? The walk back was against opposing traffic. I didn’t get a ride then either. I said “well Lord at least I got to spend time with you and get a bit of exercise”. Seconds past, I looked up and saw I was about 300 yards from my truck. I looked down at the ground when I heard God say to me “Don’t assume I’m going to work the way you think I am, Listen for my voice.” Right then as I looked at my truck I saw a motor cycle pull up behind it. I was thinking this much be a cop, he’s going to tag my truck or he has stopped to help me. God you want me to talk to a cop? I then saw the motorcycle pull past my truck to the front and I heard God say “that’s who I want you to talk to”. I said Ok Lord.

He wasn’t a cop, as I approached the guy with a gas can in my hand I could tell he didn’t want to look at me for some reason. I walked up to him and said. Hey do you need some gas. He said that would be great! I said “My names Scott” and shook his hand. He said “My name is Thomas”. I said “Really!” I chuckled inside. I was thinking to myself, God you have made this one easy. I heard God tell me, he said “he doubts me”. I chuckled. I literally chuckled. I think God was chuckling with me. I don’t care what anybody says, God has a real sense of humor.

I asked Thomas if he believed in divine appointment and he looked at me like he was a little confused. I knew I had to rephrase. I said, “Thomas do you believe that God could place you and me here at the same time, out of gas, because he wants to tell you something? He said “yeah I guess”. I said “well he does”. I then asked him if he doubted God. He says yes that he did. I then asked if he knew who Thomas was in the bible. He said no and that he had never heard of him. I then shared who Thomas was. I then told him that God wanted to show him the purpose he created him and take in on a new journey in life. I used the 10 Commandments to how him how he needed Christ. He fought me a little bit. His argument was on how many times or how serious the sin was but God gave me the words to say to him to counter that. I told him God doesn’t categorize the severity of sin in any way.

After I finished I asked him if he wanted to see what God had for him in his life and if he wanted ask Jesus to be his savior. He said yes I do. I then put my hand on his shoulder and prayed for him and asked God to protect him and then led him in the sinner’s prayer. Afterward I gave him my card and asked him to read the book of John. I told him to write me and email and I’d give him a bible. He said he would get one. I gave him warnings about how Satan would try to tell him that what just happened wasn’t real and discourage him. I encouraged him to keep faithful to what God wanted to show him. I gave him a hug, welcomed him as a brother and went on my way.

I got back in my truck and just laughed and praised God for what he had just done. I think he was laughing with me.

As I got home that night I knew God wanted me to do business with my daughter and my wife. The truth of the matter is that I have wounded both of them emotionally and physically. As soon I hit the front door God had me go to my daughter. As I got their I knew he wanted me to stand in front of her and kneel down and ask for her forgiveness for all I have done to hurt her. As I reached her I took her hands and told her I wanted to tell her something. I hit my knees and put her hands to my forehead. I closed my eyes and listened for Gods voice. He was silent with his voice but the Holy Spirit poured into me. As he I did a flood of emotion came over me and cried deep tears of hurt. My daughter seeing me hurt for her said “Awww..Dad…you haven’t done that much!” I said yes I have and I listed the things God brought to my memory. She said she forgave me and hugged me.

I then went downstairs to do the same for my wife and again the same flood of emotion came over me and I cried deep tears of hurt as I asked her if she would forgive me. She said that she already did and that she had dealt with a long time ago but had cut off the feelings of hurt. I asked her not to cut them off that God didn’t want her to cut off feelings but to let them out. She nodded her head as she heard me say this.

Shortly after that my daughter came downstairs. She had been speaking to her boyfriend, who is in prison, on the phone and was having an argument with him. She was angry and very emotional and I knew immediately that Satan was trying to enter in and that he was desperate to hurt me by getting to her. God spoke to me and told me that I needed to press in and ask her to trust me to explain the spiritual battle going on for her life and how God wanted to show her the purpose had for her life. I asked her to leave the phone alone and listen to me. She asked if we could go outside to talk so she would have a cigarette and calm down. I said “whatever you need to do”. Praise God she listened to my every word with intensity. I heard God voice say “ask her if she wants to rededicate her life me” by asking forgiveness. She said she would and she did right there on the spot. I was overwhelmed by Gods love and clarity. I then heard God say to me “tell her I’m not mad at her”. As I did she broke down crying and said “I didn’t think he would forgive me after all I have done”. We hugged tight and just stayed quite.

God showed me this weekend that I can’t approach his purpose for my life or life in general with the eyes of my body but that I needed to use his eyes (seeing through spiritual glasses) and listen to his voice. He showed me that I need to worship him in spirit and truth and to seek that same spirit and truth as I walk with him moment by moment in all I do.

This weekend I felt like I was trying to take a drink from a waterfall. I was overwhelmed and God truly caused my cup to overflow. As I wait on God to show me how I should proceed I want to ask you to pray that God’s will be done in my life. Thank you for being my brothers and for covering me this weekend with prayer.

Your Bro!

The Call

2008-10-19T22:28:00.006-05:00

I trust you Lord. I hear you. I understand why I had to go through the traumatic things that I went through in my life. But to think that you could redeem 35 years of addiction to pornography is beyond me. But I must admit that I do see more clearly now then I have ever seen before. The passion and drive that I have in my heart for men who struggle with this addiction is strong and sometimes overwhelming. I want to reach out, come along side of them and show them the way out. It is a passion that you gave me. This is not borne out of my own desire. I hurt for them and their families. Mostly them because I understand the pain and condemnation.

The pain that the addiction causes and the torment that the enemy inflicts is horrendous. His tactics and methods are very affective on the wounded in spirit and broken hearted. He heaps pain on top of pain and is relentless with his attacks on all fronts. He doesn't care about me and only seeks to suffocate and eventually destroy. He jeers, scoffs and waits to enter in again hoping to take another piece of your soul.

You didn't create me to be exposed to this sort of abuse or trauma. You didn't build me for isolation but for relationship with you and others. My eyes weren't created to view women as objects of lust but as your creation taken directly from the body of man, formed by your hands and a reflection of your glory. My thoughts weren't created for confusion but for order, cursing but praise.

Lord I ask you to guide your servant. I ask you to help me wait on your will and what you would have me do with this passion. I ask myself many questions like; Do you want me to go to school full time and become a sex addiction specialist? Do you only want me to work as a layman in my church? You know me and you know how quickly I jump at things and want to "plan the vision" and often times miss what you are saying or your will. I think my brain just goes too fast sometimes.

I ask that you sharpen my focus on your will and I beg you to not let me make mistakes in my pursuit of that will. I know you will provide what is needed if things change from sales to service. I wait on you Lord. Help me to live in the "here and now" and not to keep my head in the proverbial clouds.

I pray for the men and women that you will bring into my life that struggle with addiction. Prepare them to hear your healing words even now Lord. I pray for their healing even now. I pray for the broken marriages to be healed in the name of Jesus. I pray for the broken spirits and lives to be healed by your healing hand.

I ask Jesus that you would protect me with your mighty hand and keep me pure. I ask that you would build a hedge or protection around me and my family that cannot be penetrated by the enemy. Protect my daughter and sons. I pray for my grand children and their children and grandchildren and all those down through the generations that you will call them your children and they will call you Father.

Lord I pray for my daughter that you would bring her into a full relationship with you. Set her heart on fire for you as you have me. I pray that she would love you more then anything else and that our relationship would be repaired from the divorce and trauma that she suffered. I love her and miss her desperately. I pray for Rick and TIS. Make our business successful. Provide mightily Lord and bless us more then we could ever imagine both spiritually and monetarily.

I love you and thank you for loving me. I worship you now my loving Father. Spirit of the living God I thank you for your loving arms of care and healing. I praise you Spirit of the living God. Jesus thank you for suffering for me! I so very much can't wait until I can not only worship at your feet but I also cannot wait to hug and kiss you. I cannot wait until you stroke my hair and cheek as you hold me and tell me how much you love me. God I thank you for sending Jesus to be the mediator. Who can fathom your ways and power. When I look at the trees and creatures you have created they shout your name and praise you with everything in them.

I thank you for the call you have placed on my life and submit to your will in my life. I bow at your feet Master. I am your servant.

A Letter to Darren and Sis

2008-10-06T16:18:00.000-05:00

Darren and Sis,

I wanted to ask you to pray for me and for the direction that God has for me.

God really did something in and to me when I came down to visit. I thought it was only for Wendy's graduation but God had a greater purpose. God healed a part of my soul that I can't even explain to you. I wish I could but I haven't been able to wrap words around it. There are three identifiable points in my life that God changed me and altered the direction of my life:

1. He started healing me years ago in Virginia Beach when he introduced me to his Spirit at and evangelical church I attended.
2. He then led me into recovery from an addiction that held me in bondage for 35 years.
3. He then healed a part of my soul that need him desperately in Ft. Lauderdale. In that healing he has now shown me why he created me in a fresh way. That reason is to worship him with all my heart and allow him to wash over me. That washing has created a closeness that I can't describe.

When I came down to visit you guys and we came to visit the sanctuary that Friday, Satan didn't want it to happen. If you remember it was raining cats and dogs, you were in a meeting and we almost didn't come in. God wanted me in there that day. As I entered the sanctuary I didn't feel anything out of the ordinary but that quickly changed. As I set down I noticed something playing on the video screens. It was IHOP KC, which I didnt' know of at the time. God immediately came over me and poured into me with the familiar scent of his Spirit. He said to me that I had been doing all the "right things" such as reading the word, praying and striving to be a good husband and father. He then told me that I was starving to death. He then immediately "filled me" to overflowing with his Spirit as he took me deep as I listened to IHOP, KC. I don't even remember the words that the singer was singing. All I know is that is was pure and true as the Holy Spirit washed over me. He told me that this is what I was missing and that this is what he wants. He wants me to worship him.

Since then I have been worshiping him on an ongoing basis. My live has again changed. If I feel temptation, depression or anxiety coming on I stop, get alone with him and worship by either listening to my Hillsong or IHOP KC and praise and worship him. God then showed me that he wanted this again through a sermon that I heard Bill Johnson give at Bethel. Each time I have come to the Father, he has been faithful to meet me and fill me anew. I can't tell you how thankful I am that he led me into the sanctuary that day and that Friday night.

God has also been stoking the fire he gave me four years ago to help other men who struggle with addiction to pornography. I have had an overwhelming desire to seek his direction on how he would have me proceed. Ideas have been coming to my mind about how I can share this in not only small groups but large gatherings of men. He has shown me that my testimony and transparency on the subject strongly impacts men for him. I have had ideas and have been writing them down and also speaking with my counselor about this as well. My counselor Len started a ministry called "Faithful and True South Carolina" and we had a prayerful discussion about how God might used me in this.

I would appreciate your prayers and the teams prays on how God might best be glorified by my testimony and how he would use my testimony in the war on pornography. I can't tell you exactly how he wants me to move forward but I am submitted to him and will do what he wants. Please join me in this. Your prayers would be appreciated. Please pray for his protection over me and my family. The enemy is not happy right now with the truth that God has show me. He will use me as a weapon against the disease and scourge of pornography. He has shown me this for sure. Its how I should proceed that I need direction with. I'm waiting on him and as I wait I am preparing.

Love you both!

Hillsong Great Is Our God

2008-10-04T20:17:00.003-05:00

God is so blessing me with this song. I am so thankful that God gave them this wonderful song. What a spirit filled song.

Waiting on You

2008-10-04T01:00:00.002-05:00

My Father, I thank you for the revival that has taken place in my heart. You have set my heart on fire for you and the relationship that I have with you. I hunger for you and to be with you and filled by you. Jesus I love you and make myself vulnerable to you. I want you and ask you to take me and do with me as you will.

Lord there are thoughts that are stiring in my heart about how to encourage and even ignite the hearts of men to break free from the chains that have bound them for year. The chains of addiction and complacency. God please continue to give me a vision that is given only by you and not a creation of my own mind. Place the signature of your spirit upon it and consume me with the fire of truth. Lord I pray for those men that you will bring to me that your truth would flow from my mouth to their ears and that they would be healed by the power of truth that only proceeds from your mouth.

God I want to decrease as you increase. Do not let me be overcome my Father. Protect me with your Spirit and with your Angels. I pray that they would encamp around my family. Give me direction and courage to do as you will. I pray for your provision in all things and at all times. Guide and direct, empower and provide, love and nurture.

I thank you for my time with Mom tonight. I thank you for the time to pray with her. I pray that you would strengthen her faith in you and not worry about "stuff". I pray that she would surrender fully to you. I pray for my Aunt Tina and Uncle Richard. Please Lord bring to accept you as their Saviour. I don't know how you will do it but I pray that you would Lord. I pray for healing for Darryl G. Heal his cancer Lord. I pray for my Aunt Judy. Please save them Lord. I pray for Jeff P. Lord. Protect him and guide him as he preaches your word Lord. I pray for Chuck G. and Anne G. Lord Heal his cancer and give her strength to be there for her husband. Give her wisdom and comfort that only comes from you.

I pray for my daughter Lord. Protect and bring her into an intimate relationship with you. She needs you Lord. Guide and protect her Father. I know you love her more then I could ever love her. She was your far before she was mine. Love her good Lord. I know I love her and adore her. I just hope and pray our relationship would be restored and renewed by the power of your Spirit.

Dearest Rose of Sharon, I love you and adore you my saviour. I wish I could express it in words but words cannot express my feelings and how you have filled me.

I love you Abba. I am your Son.

That's Why I Worship

2008-09-30T21:02:00.005-05:00

There is a mighty river that flows

into the (dark and hidden) (deepest darkest) places of my soul

it washes clean the deeds of the past

and offers hope and transformation that lasts.

There is a Spirit that calls to my (heart) soul

and desires (to be a part) for me to be whole

(He) It longs for me to walk in (His) its light

where I might have fulness of life.

There is one who is making me whole

(Jesus Christ the lover of my soul) who resides with my soul

the Healer the King.

There is a Father that calls me

his child.

By RSD, September 30, 2008

I Love You Spirit Of The Living God!!!

2008-09-24T23:18:00.002-05:00

God I love you and praise you for your healing power and for our intimate relationship. I don't want to look to the left or the right. I don't want anything to get between our sweet connection. Satan has been trying to take my focus away and I will not be moved with the power of your Spirit. Envelope me my Saviour and keep me safe beneath you wing. I worship you right now Jesus for your grace, mercy and love. My heart overflows with joy.

Abba!

I ask for you to revive our country and bring them back to you. I pray for a repentant spirit for all Americans. Bring our country back to you Father. We cannot do this without you. Spirit come quickly!!

I love you Lord.

Wanting to be closer to you.

2008-09-22T08:55:00.002-05:00

Lord,

I give you this next week and ask that you sustain me fully. Give me the strength to fast as you have called me to fast. Teach me what it means to fast and why you call us me as well as other to do so. Draw me close to you ever so deeper. Envelop me in truth and knowledge that only comes from your Spirit. I want to know you more deeply then I have ever known you before.

Lord I feel that you have healed my and given me power through your spirit to overcome sexual temptation. I don't pretend that it isn't there but depend on your spirit fully to overcome. Lord I need you and ask that you be close to me...this week and teach me. I am your son and I want to worship you. Help me to be still and hear your voice. Quiet the noise of my brain.

Please heal the cold that I am experiencing and please heal my daughters cold as well. I praise and worship you my father.

Revelation Song

2008-09-17T22:30:00.002-05:00

Lord.

Thank you for soaking me with your Spirit and for loving me as you do. I love you and praise you. I just wanted to say that to you right now. I praise you for this song Jesus. Kari Jobe has an angels voice and I thank you for her. I pray you would continue to bless her and love her.

I love you!

Refreshing

2008-09-14T20:59:00.002-05:00

Lord,

Thank you so much for your cleansing Spirit. Your Spirit soaked me today and for that I am thankful. You have healed me and given me new life that is indescribable. Human words cannot express my thanks and the love that I have for you. You are truly the lover of my soul. Thank you for loving me and for your redeeming blood. Your name is above all other names and I praise and worship you my saviour!

Please continue to teach me your ways and guide me with your Spirit. I pray you would give me wisdom from above. Thank you for my wife and for her heart for you. I praise you that she had a devoation with my daughter tonight. I continue to pray for my daughter and ask that you fill her as you have filled me and healed me. I also pray for you Aunt Tina. Please melt her heart for you and show her what true love is all about. I pray your Spirit would go to her now and begin his work. I pray this in the mighty name if Jesus.

Praising You Today!

2008-09-08T21:09:00.003-05:00

Lord,

Thank you for filling me with your Spirit. Thank you for the emotion that you are allowing me to experience Father. Words cannot describe what you are doing to my heart and my life. Your Spirit is the true river of life and I am thankful that your are living in and guiding me. There has been a change in me Lord and I feel it! A power that I haven't experienced before. I cannot fully explain it and I am careful not to over analyze this change but something is different in my heart. The things have been entangling me have not had the same power and precious Holy Spirit I praise you for this.

I am so very thankful for the new day. God I pray that you continue to give your power and strength to continue to overcome. I believe that you're my healer. I believe you are all I need. The words to this song may have been written by a man that was lying about his sickness but I personally know his true sickness. I know it all too well. I am thankful that you gave this man these words and that he wrote what you gave to him. I am also thankful that you have brought him into recovery. I pray for him and ask that you give him full healing.

Thank you for what you are doing in the heart of men Lord. I praise you and worship you my Lord and my Saviour. You are worthy Father! Use me for your glory my Lord. I am a willing servant.

The Spirit of Our Living God

2008-08-27T14:00:00.004-05:00

Holy Spirit thank you for you patience and loving kindness. It continues to amaze me how loving and truly deep you are. I cannot comprehend the depth. I praise you for your tender voice and gentle touch of grace and mercy. You fill me to overflowing. You continue to plead with me to let go of all the things that hinder our communication. You are teaching me how to do this.

I am thankful that you touched me when I want to Ft. Lauderdale to visit my sister. I truly was not expecting what happened. It wasn't even in my thoughts. You reached into my heart and reminded me gently of how you loved me and missed me and deeply desired to be with me. You filled me more then words can ever explain or describe. I truly didn't realize how much I was starving to death. You have shown me that I cannot survive without the continued flow of your presence in my life through your Spirit.

You are my guide and my salvation. You lead me to places that I don't know how to reach. The deep places of refreshment and change that transform and deliver. Praise your name! You are the name above all names and the lover of my soul. I never knew how deeply...how very deeply you desire to be in a relationship with me. My ways are temporal and convoluted Thank you for dissolving all the walls and for drawing me to you through your gentle loving Spirit.

I thirst for you Spirit of God. I cry out and ask that you transform me now and penetrate the deepest places of my heart with your healing balm. Give me what I need to continue your desired will in m life. God it seems that I have always started off with a bang and then fade to what I consider to be spiritual obscurity. Holy Spirit PLEASE empower me with strength, wisdom and knowledge that transforms and renews. I don't want anything less and I am asking you for this now not later.

I can't and do not want to live without your continue flow and leading. Make your voice as clear as the purest glass. Guide me in all facets of life. Do not let me stray when the world creeps in and tries to steal the gift of joy you have infused into my life.

I bow at your feed and surrender to you fully! I can do nothing apart from you.

A Prayer For My Daughter

2008-01-15T23:23:00.000-05:00

Lord,

I know first of all that you love Kaylene more that I do because you created her and you loved her before she was mine. I just want to pray right now in Jesus name that you protect her from the harm that she is putting herself into. I pray Father that your Spirit would convict her and draw her to a pure relationship with you. I pray that you keep her from overdosing on drugs and killing herself. Help her father.

Heal her bipolarity and help her to become clear in her thinking. Draw her to you quickly Lord. This video reminded me of her again today. Please draw her to you Father.

In Jesus Holy Name!

Change

2008-01-09T01:49:00.000-05:00

Lord...I couldn't sleep tonight. I feel troubled for some reason. I think I have been so stressed over the past few weeks that it is starting to affect me negatively. I don't typically think about a whole lot as I try to get to sleep but tonight..well tonight is different. To start off it was a real dissappointment to not get the peice business that I was working for. I really should have listened to my wife when she said I should go lower in price. That would have really been the smart thing to do. She was right. I think the thing that is really bugging me right now is that I am feel hurt and even victimized by the whole problem.

It's just not right to treat people the way I have been treated by them. I do value relationships and I think my brain doesn't want to think I was treated so poorly by people that I cared for so much. I know that people say it's all business but after 13 year of working together it's hard not to get close to someone. The fact of the matter is that even if it is business it still hurts and it still isn't right. The other thing that I am struggling with is letting go of the site without them paying me. 23K is a lot of money. I trust in you that you will provide for all my needs. I think I maybe I should just give the site to them.

It won't do any good to play head games and try to hold it hostage until they pay me. I think that being stubborn will just make it worse in the end. It's just not worth it. I feel like you will be more pleased if I do the right thing and forgive and forget. Maybe this is what I have been carrying around and why I can't sleep. I guess it is also the fact that I have been angry with them to the point of wanting to get back at them. That is wrong as well. Forgive me Lord and help me to not do that.

It has also been stressful trying to get this server issue under control. Wow has that been a pain. Lord...please help me to get it taken care of so I can focus on sales. Help us to grow and multiply beyond our wildest dreams. It was refreshing to hear from Rick tonight. Hearing his voice and his encouragement was what I needed to help me pick my head up and laugh. He has really been a good friend and a real blessing to me. Thanks for bringing him back into my life.

Lord help me to make some life change with my body. I want to be in better shape so I can see my grandchildren grow old. I know that is a daunting task but I know you can help me achieve it. I want to lose 65 pounds. I think my body will feel much better. I would pray that you would help my knees as I take on this task. They really are making some horrible sounds.

Everything that has been happening to me has caused me think about my mortality and short time on this earth. The genealogy I have done as also made me consider how sort time is. I only have a few more years to spend with my boys before they will be out of the house. Sometimes I can't wait for that day but the closer it gets and the more I think about it the more I want to slow time down. It's a bitter sweet thought.

The bottom line here is that I am going to relinquish the site and forget about the money. I trust in you but I would be lying if I said I was comfortable. Help me to be I pray. Forgive me of any sin in my life that is keeping me from hearing your voice more clearly. I want to hear and follow you Jesus. I need you and am hopeless without you. I bow at your feet in fear and reverence to you.

Lord I pray for my daughter. Keep her and love her Lord. Protect her from danger and harm. I pray that your Angels would encamp around her. I pray your Spirit would pierce her heart when she does wrong and that she would be sensitive to your call on her life. Bring her to you Jesus. Let her know that I love her and care for her and that all that we did for her was for her good. She is dear to me and I love her and miss her. I pray for courage for mother. Give her courage to do the right thing with her daughter. Help her make the hard choices and show her that love is the only way and sometime it is tough.

Lord I cannot live this life without you. I cannot do anything without you. Give me strength to keep going and to keep changing. The road is hard and many times is seems as if I make one step forward and two steps back. Give me strength to change in my personal life as a husband and father as well as a business owner. Help me to be salt and light to a world that is dying. I need you Lord..We need you. Please give us your power and your wisdom.

I pray for my wife Jesus. She is such a gift to me. Help me to be more to her. Help me to touch her heart and fill that part that is missing. I heard what she said the other night in the car. Help our relationship to grow and prosper. Help us to make the correct choices for our family. We don't want to make mistakes with our kids. We want to grow them in a fertile garden. Help us to nurture them Lord. Teach us to slow down and pay attention.

Praise you name my Lord. You are awesome and wonderful. There is no true God but you. You are the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob. Maker of heaven and earth. Nothing is, but by your hand. Have mercy on us oh Lord. Remember your children.

Thankful For You!

2007-09-10T11:18:00.000-05:00

Lord,

I am thankful for you and for all that you do and have done for me. I am saying these thing because I feel a sense of heaviness that has come over me and because if this I want to praise you for your mercy and grace. The heaviness would want me to focus away from you but I want to focus on you. The things that are causing the heaviness seem to be many and it seem like you are are silent. To say that silence from you is difficult to deal with is an understatement. It is difficult to deal with but my faith in you is still strong and I know that you are here.

I praise you for your love and for your many blessings. You have been with me an protected me my whole life. You were with me when I was abused as a child and you loved me and comforted me. You were with me when I endured the many pains associated with the accidents and sickness that I have endured and you brought me through it successfully. When I went through the pain of a divorce you showed me mercy and grace and gave me the strength to endure. You provided me with a wonderful wife who loves you more then she loves me, for which I am thankful. You have been faithful when I was not. You have shown mercy and grace where death and separation should have been deployed.

Lord thank you for all that you have done and all the you continue to do . Please guide me and give me hope in the darkness. Give me your light to guide me. I need your Spirit to lead me in your will for my life and my families life. Be merciful and gracious to us Lord. Forgive me for the sins that I commit against you. Give me strength and wisdom that only comes from your Spirit. I cannot do this without you. Draw close to me my blessed an glorious master.

I pray that the blessing that you you bestowed on Abraham, Issac and Jacob would be be remembered when you think of me and my family my wonderful and glorious Lord. Bless me as you blessed them. Help us to overcome our debt quickly Lord through your abundant blessing. You own the cattle on a thousand hills and you can help us take care of this quickly. Please hear me Lord. Do not turn your ear from my plea. Please help me to leave a legacy of blessing for my children to remember.

I pray for the my main principles Lord. Please bring us back into a right relationship. They seem so distant right now. Please convict them to send the money that is owed. In the interim, please provide for or needs as I believe you will. Strengthen Nicole's faith in you and show her your mighty hand. Help both of us to never forget your faithfulness to your children.

Thank you Lord!

Wow...No post since January?

2007-05-06T21:54:00.000-05:00

Lessons Learned Since January

It's hard to believe that I haven't posted since January. There is been so much that has happened in my life over that amount of time that it is a bit overwhelming looking back. Gosh to catch up would be impossibility and would leave holes I am sure but I’ll give it a try anyway.

God’s Instruction:

To say that God has been teaching me to trust him would be an understatement. He has been guiding me and drawing me to a clearer understanding of the kind of relationship he wants me to have with him. First of all he has shown me that he wants me to rest in him. Now the word rest means something different to everyone. Webster’s say this:

Pronunciation: 'rest
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English; akin to Old High German rasta rest and perhaps to Old High German ruowa calm
1 : REPOSE, SLEEP ; specifically : a bodily state characterized by minimal functional and metabolic activities
2 a : freedom from activity or labor b : a state of motionlessness or inactivity c : the repose of death
3 : a place for resting or lodging
4 : peace of mind or spirit
5 a (1) : a rhythmic silence in music (2) : a character representing such a silence b : a brief pause in reading
6 : something used for support
- at rest
1 : resting or reposing especially in sleep or death
2 : QUIESCENT, MOTIONLESS
3 : free of anxieties

I would have to say that the Lord has been teaching me to be free from anxieties when it comes to my life because when I rest in him I am giving him control of my life and trusting that he will guide my steps and protect me and my family. I like to refer to this as “jump from the top stair faith”. This type of faith and rest is very foreign to me. I must admit that although I have finally wrapped my head around the concept it is still a struggle for me because I constantly ask myself if I am being complacent. I feel like I have to do something. What does resting in your truly mean Lord?

Case in point: My job is still in limbo so to speak. I never know when I’ll be paid and I don’t know when the company will pull the plug on me. Not a good place to be. Now God continues to provide for my family through my business as well as my beekeeping hobby. His signature continues to be on everything that is financial. This is very comforting to me and I am thankful. He I allowing me to enjoy my life by receiving benefits of past work and gain new income from a hobby that I truly enjoy. My nature is to feel guilty for it. I shouldn’t be enjoying myself I should be toiling all day and “clock watching” ready for 5:00 to roll around.

The thing God has been showing me is that he owns the world and everything in it and wants to give me the desires of my heart. He wants to guide me and wants to use the lessons he has taught me in my life to glorify his son Jesus and to use me to help others. He has taught me that the addiction that has been a part of my life for nearly all my life can be redeemed for Gods glory and be used to help other men that struggle as I do.

Patience:

God is has been teaching me patience for years. I feel that I have learned a great deal about patience and even learned to have patience with others especially with my wife and children. God has been teaching me to have patience with my wonderful middle son Sam. He is a very bright and loving child with a short attention span. Much like I was as a child. In the past I have had tendency to raise my voice or yell at him over the years and God has been showing me that that is not the way to get through to Sam. I can’t say that I have completely stopped yelling at him but it is at least 80% less. I even asked Sam if I was doing better at not yelling and he told me yes. Since I have accomplished this I have learned to look at him in a whole different way and to see his personality differently I believe he has been able to grow as well. I believe I was hindering his growth because he didn’t think he was good enough.

I am a bit of a perfectionist at times, a trait that was learned from my mother. Everything has a place. I have learned to not strive too hard to have everything in its place. It takes a lot of time and energy to do so especially having four children 3 of which are boys. I think I am beginning to see that my time with my family is more valuable then “the perfect home”. I admit that I feel better emotionally when the house is straight and in order. Mostly because I am need order to remember where everything is. I think my getting older has made me more forgetful which bring on frustration and anxiety. Trying to balance the perfectionism and non-perfectionism is a challenge. My wife has been very instrumental in helping me with this. She really tries hard to keep the home straight. It is an act of love toward me that I am thankful for. I try to help as well.

There are many other things that he has taught me but these are the ones that come to my mind first.

He has been showing me his glory through the honeybee which is one of my passions at this point. I truly love these creatures. They have taught me much about my creator and are teaching me much about how they like to be kept.

Thank you Lord. I love you. Please keep me and teach me your ways. I need you and love you. I can’t do this without you. Guide me on this path and don’t let me stumble.

The Fork In The Road?

2007-01-04T22:49:00.000-05:00

Lord I feel that some sort of change is about to take place. Let me explain the reason that I am feeling change is on the horizon.

I Am Discouraged

I am discouraged because it seems like all the business that I have been approaching as far as my job and my business is concerned just isn’t working. I just don’t have the fire that I have had in the past. Lord you know that I need that to keep me driving.

I Don’t Have Any Motivation

I have been wondering for a few weeks now whether or not you are calling me to leave what I am doing. I just don’t have the edge that I had at one time. It seems like the fire is out. As hard as I try I just can’t get it started either because sales aren’t happening or whatever. Is my lack of motivation killing my sales ability?

I Am Having A Problem Believing

Of course I am not having a problem believing in you but in myself and in the product that I am selling or why I am doing what I am doing. I can’t seem to get companies to come on board with me and my business and give me what I need. It is always some sort of obstacle that is in the way that keeps me from moving “full steam ahead”. Why can’t I just continue to move forward and bypass this? I have in the past. Why not now?

The prayer that I offer up to you is this. Please help me to not be discouraged. Help me to move forward and tackle the obstacles that are in the way with the same zeal and fervor that I had when I was new in the business. Help me to believe in what I am doing and that you are in it with me. I don’t want to feel like I am alone or that I am not doing what you want me to do.

If you have a change for me then make it known to me.

Lord regardless of what it is that I am doing I want to believe in what I am doing. I want to be “sold out” on it. I want to be the best at it. Above all I want to know that it is what you want me to do and I want to know that you are in it with me. I want to feel your presence with me and feel you nod of approval.

Lord the last request that I want to make to you tonight is to bring my family out of this financial debt that we are in. It seems to be choking the life out of us. I don’t know whether I should be sad about the mess that has happened or be happy that it has driven us to totally rely on your after we had been so comfortable for years. I ask that you not make me look like a fool in front of my wife. I stand you’re promise that you will provide for all our needs. You know what we need both physically, spiritually, emotionally and monetarily.

It is all in your hands.

Thank you for what you are doing in our lives and what you will do. I pray your will and blessing on our lives. Help us not to mess it up but to follow you though the power of your Holy Spirit.

I love you.

PS- Lord if you want me to change jobs please make it known to me soon. If you want me to take the job that I interviewed for make it known.

Needing to know you have control.

2006-12-18T10:39:00.000-05:00

Lord,

I need to slow my brain down a moment and talk with you. You know our situation and you know who we are. I trust you that you are looking out for my family and our needs. The fact that things around us look so bleak is concerning. It does cause me to question if I am doing the right thing or not.

So I'll pose some question to you.

Am I doing the right thing?

Is it right for me to have the debt that I have and not worry? I think that it is the right thing. Is it crazy for me to see what is happening with my job and not kill myself trying to find something else to replace what I speculate could go away in January? I trust that you are going to provide for all my needs. I decide to give sacrificially to the building fund knowing that you will bless us as you promised but I see financial devastation on the horizon. Are we doing the wrong thing? I believe in you. I trust in you and I don't think we are doing the wrong thing.

Right now I am a bit sad on the inside. I see my wife struggling with her emotions about money and how it is affecting her. She is overwhelmed with the pressure. I don't want her to feel this way anymore. I know that you are trying to teach her something or at least that is what I think you are doing. I feel many time like someone on the outside looking in. Not that my faith is perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I just feel like you have me at a different level and that I am meant to be more of a teacher / leader in this situation.

When I hear my wife's voice and that she has hit bottom having to worry about the debt I wonder if you are trying to teach her something or teach me something or both. I know that it can be both but what is it that you are trying to teach me? Faith, Leadership...what?

I love her very much and I don't want to see her in this shape mentally. It really hurts me to see this. I know you have your will and I want that for our lives but I want to ask you for a favor as your son?:

You own the cattle on a thousand hills and all the wealth and everything under and above the heavens. You are a mighty and just God whose power it matchless in all the earth. You cause the wind to blow and man is puzzled. In a moment you created the earth and everything on it. All power is your.

I ask you Father in the name of your Son Jesus Christ and as your child to please swiftly and quickly remove this debt from our shoulders. I have faith that you can do it in a second and I am asking you to do so. I ask you to please do this in accordance with your will for our lives and in the name of your son. We do not want this burden anymore.

Lord you already know these things but I wanted to say them for me. We have been faithful to you in many ways. We have given in many ways and continue to give. We have been faithful with your money and continue to be. We ask for forgiveness and continue to. We ask for you will to be done in our lives and continue to. I guess I am trying to justify why you should grant my request. I can't justify it in the light you the sacrifice if Jesus. There is no comparison. I am just struggling to convince you like I would my earthly parents.

Lord protect us. Lord provide for our needs. Lord have your way in our lives. Please take this debt off of our shoulders. We don't want it anymore. Please?

I love you.

Let Everything Else Go (Phils Stuff)

2006-11-27T22:05:00.000-05:00

LET EVERYTHING ELSE GO (from "Town to Town" and "Way Back Home")

Chasing down hot air balloons on Sunday morning,
In pace with a familiar tune
I reach for nothing less, but something more.
All the day, and the wind is at my back most of the way.

Holding conversation with a friend I know is near,
Great anticipation fills my soul,
It fills my heart, it fills the air.
All the day, and the wind is at my back

Oh I can't wait to see you Jesus, face to face,
Nothing in this world can take Your place.
All the pride of man laid low,
And all his works of gold,
Nothing can compare with what You are,
Let everything else go.

Oh I can't wait to see you Jesus, face to face,
Nothing in this world can take Your place.
All the pride of man laid low,
And all his works of gold,
Nothing can compare with what You are,
Let everything else go.

Lord I think these words say it all for today. I am busting with happiness. I truly love you and thank you for who you are. I praise you with all that I am and all that you have made me my Jesus. Your hand has molded and made me and contunues to make me who you want me to be. Surrender to you I do. Desiring to be more like you I am. Glorious and mighty you are. Grace and mercy you prove. Forgiven am I.

I love you.

"Jump From The Top Stair Faith"

2006-11-01T00:20:00.000-05:00

Lord I am thankful that you are revealing yourself to me more and more each day. Resting in you is a hard concept for a personality like mine. It always seems like something is going on in my head. Always some sort of noise or motion. I feel that my life reflects my mind in many ways. Throughout my life it has been hard to concentrate on things for long periods of time. For this reason I am not a very good reader and my focus seems to be short sighted.

I believe that distance runners and sprinters have different personalities. I am definitely a sprinter. A blast of speed and energy and then it all ends. I put everything I have into it and the focus is intense but my attention then quickly moves on. Strange, but that is how you have decided to wire me.

Because of the past and the damage that was done it has always be hard for me to trust you and to think that you weren't up there getting ready to kick my ass for something that I did wrong or hurling some sort of verbal correction at me from your "almighty throne". I know that my relationship with my own father has a lot to do with this misconception. I am thankful to you my loving father for helping me to understand that you love me and that you have chosen me for you. You created me so that you could delight in me and you are interested in who I am and you love me. That blows my mind kinda like infinite space does.

This has been a very hard fact for me to grasp but you are patient. You prove to me over and over how patient you truly are. Thank you for helping me with my trust in you and helping me let go.

I pray that you would continue to grow me in the area of faith and trust in you. I want to have the "jump from the top stair faith". I want to continue to grow in the believe that you would never drop me or let me be hurt. It is hard for me but you are working it out and I thank you for that.

I pray that you would use me in the lives if men who struggle with addiction to pornography. I want to be a vessel for you in this manner. Not my will father but your be done.

Thank You!
I Love You!

Surrender my life to you.

2006-10-15T21:48:00.000-05:00

Lord you know that I love you and you know that I trust you with everything. I am emotionally weary right now and I need to get some things off of my chest. I had been thinking about Danica all day today while I cooked for her family. I couldn’t help but think about her plight and the plight that her family especially Mike is about to undertake. I cannot fathom the feelings that Mike and his daughter are encountering right now. I hope I will never have to come close to experiencing this. In fact Lord this is my prayer to you right now.

I knew from the beginning that you had something to say to me in all of this. You have been bringing this to me time and time again.

When asked about the main point that you have been teaching her over the past year she said surrender. I don’t find this coincidental.

Surrender:

Merriam Webster says this:

2 a : to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b : to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)
intransitive verb : to give oneself up into the power of another : YIELD
synonym see RELINQUISH

I personally appreciate 2b. I feel that you have been calling me to understand this intransitive verb and to make it part of my walk with you for a few years not and most likely most of my life. “to give oneself up to the power of another”.

The synonym Relinquish is interesting as well.

Relinquish.:

1 : to withdraw or retreat from : leave behind (As in myself)
2 : GIVE UP <relinquish a title> (As owner of my life)
3 a : to stop holding physically : RELEASE relinquished his grip on the bar> b : to give over possession or control of : YIELD relinquish power>

Lord you know that none of this has been easy for me to comprehend or “get my head around”. Your extraordinary patience and long suffering is appreciated when it come to me and my “hard headedness”. I wouldn’t have had patience with me in this but that is part of what you are teaching me as well.

Part of my recovery from addiction and past abuse is to start to feel again. For so long I just hardened and tried not to feel. I instances like this I would typically disconnect or even use but you have brought me here. You are opening my heart and emotions and making me more as you intended me to be. Feeling pain for those who are suffering and who will suffer is not a bad thing when married with my love for you.

I believe this is what you wanted. When was the last time I cried or wept or sad for someone that I hardly knew? I can’t remember. I remember when Hal died and the pain and emotion that I felt during that tragedy. My mind was untainted by pornography and the things of this world. My emotion was pure then. It affected me forever.

Is this why I have remembered this all those years? I remember the shirt he wore in his casket. It was purple. Was he dressed in purple that day for me. You wore purple when brought before Pilot on that horrible day.

Pain as young boy of 7 when a 14 year old next door neighbor was tragically killed.
Years of abuse and use which clouded my emotions and callused my heart.
Hitting bottom in my life and entering into recovery.
Experiencing emotions long buried and ignored.
Remembering the death of that friend from my youth.
Remembering for years that he wore the color purple in his casket.
Remembering that you wore that color purple on the day you were brought before pilot.

Lord should I identify the emotions that I felt that day and the shirt that he wore in his casket with the emotions that I am feeling now? Am I coming full circle back to the more pure emotions of my youth?

As an equation:

The emotions I felt then (Pure) + the emotions I am feeling now = the color purple.

Our eyes capture the vibrations of this world which are orchestrated by your hand. At that moment the vibrations radiated the brilliance of your son.

Thank you for loving me and for showing me that I am your child and that you are forever with me.

Forever your child.

Is Death Fair??

2006-10-05T14:44:00.000-05:00

Lord it doesn’t seem fair to my human brain bit I know it makes perfect sense to you. You say in your word:

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Death doesn’t seem fair to me especially as it relates to Danica. From what I can see she has done nothing but glorify you through the cancer treatments and even when it went into remission. She has been a warrior for you.

Does this make me angry and sad at the same time? ABSOLUTELY!!!

How can this be when she has touched so many lives? I mean even her husband has cancer. What is this going to do to her children? Don’t you know that they will hurt!!!!!!! They didn’t do anything to you to deserve this did they?

I hate the feeling that this gives me. How can this be justified? I hate the fact that I should be strong about this and that I should be an example to the rest of the body in announcing that you will be glorified through this. This hurts and it sucks case closed! I hate how the church body and I hate how her family is going to be in pain. I hate how I am in pain!

What is up!!!???

God I know that your will must be done and that you will be glorified but the friggin cost is so high. I mean I know that Jesus died and that cost was the ultimate. But you are God and I am not. You can handle that kind of hurt.

I do love you but these kind of things make me sick to my stomach. They hurt me to the core and I DO NOT LIKE IT AT ALL!!!!!!!

You said in:

Jeremiah 29:1

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

“Newsflash”…..How is death not harming Danica or giving her a future? For that matter the future of her children.

ANSWER THAT ONE FOR ME!!!!!!!

Praying for Seth

2006-10-02T22:01:00.000-05:00

Praying for Seth

Lord please look out after Seth tonight. I am concerned about the glands that are swollen behind his ear. Please give the doctors clarity and wisdom tomorrow. I love him and don’t want anything to happen to him. He is a very bright spot in my life Lord.

I love him and I know you love him more.

I love you! Thank you!

Lord I Am Thankful!

2006-09-13T20:55:00.000-05:00

Lord I am thankful for all that you have done and are doing in my life. I praise you for you wisdom and love. It is hard for me to fathom the depth of you love for me. I many times don't love myself or at least don't think well of myself but you see me in a whole different way. Thank you for continuing to teach me how much you love me and my family and how you have us in the palm of your hand. It is very comforting to me to be on the cusp of understanding this. Lord help me to focus on you and to "FULLY" trust in you. I want to trust you with all my heart, soul and strength. I pray that you would protect me from myself was I walk this road of faith. Father help me to be even more sensitive to the voice of your spirit that live inside of me. Breathe in me my Father. Forgive me for my unfaithfulness to you. For me for not trusting in your and failing the tests. Help me to turn from myself and my weakness and give me your strength. Lord I cannot do anything on my own. All I have and all that is accomplished I by your hand and not mine. I can do nothing apart from you.

Thank you for the following blessings:

Leading me (Dragging Me) to start my own company.

Bringing companies to me to represent.

Blessing me with monetary gifts out of the blue.

Providing for my families each and every need.

Bringing me and my wife closer together.

Bring me and my children closer together.

I pray that you would continue to lead and guide. Bless my business dealings Lord and prosper them beyond my wildest dreams.

I pray that you bless others thru the blessing that you bestow on us Lord.

Be with my daughter as she struggles to become a woman. Protect her from the evil that seeks to destroy her. Protect her virtue Lord. Bring Godly people into her life even now. Bring friends that will have a positive impact on her. Above all change her for your glory.

I love you,

Your Son.

Jeremiah 29:11

2006-03-22T10:42:00.000-05:00

Lord I felt you speak to me the other night in the Christian book store through a verse on a simple t-shirt. I felt comfort for awhile but then the enemy came in and stole parts of the joy by creating doubt. You know I struggle with reasoning in my human mind instead of reasoning with my spiritual mind. Lord you know I have struggled with not wanting to lose what you have blessed us with. I want to cling to this verse and believe that it means that our house and property won’t have to be given up for something what you want me to do. I want to believe that you will provide a job that will replace my income. The thing is that I struggle with wanting you to take my life and do with it as you will. I have this idea that if I do you will pull the rug out from under my family and erase it all and that we have and that we will in poverty for the rest of our lives. Why do I do this Lord? I know I shouldn't worry about this at all. I find that sometimes I don’t and sometime I do.

I feel you strength but I also feel my weakness.

I find you here and I find peace in the woods. Lord I don't want to lose what I have dreamed about but I also want your will for my life which means surrendering all to you. This fight is a classic struggle between my sinful nature which doubts and is sinful and my redeemed soul that strives to listen to you and be more like you. Light against darkness.

I will not pretend to have this all figured out. I beg you Father to give me your strength and wisdom through your Spirit and don't let me flounder in or wallow in doubt and self pity. Most of all I ask you to help me find what it is that you would have me do with my job. I feel that you are telling me to hang in there and wait. The fact that is that’s all that I can really can do considering the situation.

I feel foolish trying to gain new customers when they aren’t doing what it take to keep the ones they have or doing what it take to earn new ones. It is such a struggle for me to understand what you would have me to do in this sort of situation. Should I continue to travel or not?
Lord help me to understand it all through your spirit. Speak to me Father. I need you. Lord if you would have me stay then please help my business to grow and to prosper. Help motivate me Lord to know that there is hope. Most of all help the leaders to know that they need help at the corporate office to keep their customers satisfied. Help them to stop the denial and do the right thing.

Lord help or family get out of the debt that we have. We want to honor you. Please heal my wife physically and help her with her stress and help her with her lack of faith that you will take care of our needs. Help us both to realize that your will take care of us. Erase our doubt God. In Jesus name.

Lord…touch my daughters life and breath new life into her. Change her Father. This is another thing that I must surrender to you. She is yours first Lord. Work her life out for your glory Father.

Lastly…please comfort me when I doubt. Satan wishes to stop my growth in you. He wants my sobriety to stop. Lord I surrender to you my life. I am helpless apart from you. Hold me Lord. Continue to speak to me words of encouragement and wisdom through you Spirit. Please confirm your will for my life at this point and make your voice clear to me.

I love you Lord. Thank you for Jesus and thank you for loving me.

Your Road Map Lord

2006-03-14T16:53:00.000-05:00

Things seem almost bound to fail or unravel. My thoughts trustful and hope in you. Almost to the point of almost being fearful I am complacent. You lead my path and guide my way. The way seems stagnate at this point and I am unsure if it will clear soon. I am hopeful the log jam and lack of trust in the principle will subside and the flow will continue unhindered. I want success but what is success to you.

Is it change?

Is it a move?

Is it the continuation of the same?

What is it you would have me to do Lord. I am a walking question mark lately. How would you have me lead my family or should I be asking something different? The way seems troubled but you are not. Should I be? I don’t think so. I want to rest in you. I want to know you are carrying me and trust it’s you.

I know I have no control and I ask you to take control. Am I giving up control? I think not. I am simply surrendering to you and surrendering what I already have no control of. Is this true surrender? Yes! I believe this is the true understanding of who you are and how you created me an how you want me to interact with you. Knowing that without you I am nothing and can do nothing. You want me to surrender and become more like you.

Surrender..hmmm…

To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.

To give up in favor of another.

To give up or give back (something that has been granted): surrender a contractual right.

To give up or abandon: surrender all hope.

To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion: surrendered himself to grief.

Law. To restore (an estate, for example), especially to give up (a lease) before expiration of the term.

This has got to be the hardest concept for a Christian to understand. It means surrendering EVERYTHING ALWAYS:

Thought
Desires
Fears
Lack of Understanding
Lack of Money

I need you Lord. Continue to breathe into me your ways. Help me understand your desire for my life.

I Want To Rest In You.

2006-02-25T21:57:00.000-05:00

Lord my prayer is that you will continue to help me to understand the depth and breath of my issues with pornography. Why did I get involved? Whey did I use it to medicate the pain. Was this simply a spiritual issue of was I medicating the physical while damaging the spiritual. I need you wisdom to understand and to work through this. I feel like the further I get from the addiction the move prominate the issues of shortness of temper, lack of ability to cope with stress, feelings of anger and even hyperventilation are.

All of these things concern me greatly. I don’t think they are normal for people to experience. I know that my co-leadership in the 242 EMB group opens me up for attack but I trust you my Father. Lord if this is an attack I cry out to you to protect me. I trust you would protect me. I also know you would allow me to endure trial to learn and become stronger. Please help me understand Father. I love you and need you to counsel me. Be near to me Father. I know you are trustworthy and true to you word.

Lord I know you gave me this chapter years ago. Are you calling me to this chapter now? Rescue me my father. My heart is heavy and I need you.

I love you Father. Help Me.

Amen.

Psalms Chapter 25

^[a] ¹ In you, LORD my God,
I put my trust.

² I trust in you;
do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.

³ No one who hopes in you
will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
who are treacherous without cause.

⁴ Show me your ways, LORD,
teach me your paths.

⁵ Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

⁶ Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.

⁷ Do not remember the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you, LORD, are good.

⁸ Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

⁹ He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.

¹⁰ All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.

¹¹ For the sake of your name, LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

¹² Who, then, are those who fear the LORD?
He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.

¹³ They will spend their days in prosperity,
and their descendants will inherit the land.

¹⁴ The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.

¹⁵ My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

¹⁶ Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.

¹⁷ Relieve the troubles of my heart
and free me from my anguish.

¹⁸ Look on my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.

¹⁹ See how numerous are my enemies
and how fiercely they hate me!

²⁰ Guard my life and rescue me;
do not let me be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.

²¹ May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope, LORD, ^[b] is in you.

²² Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!

Your wisdom is what I need.

2006-02-06T15:51:00.000-05:00

Lord it is difficult to know what you want me to do with my job at this point. I know all the signs are that the company is going downhill and fast. The problem I have with that is that signs can be deceiving. I try really hard to make sure I am using the brain that you gave me to move carefully and purposefully. The problem with that is that I feel as if I will make a mistake because of my fallibility. I understand that I need to trust you fully and not rely on my own wisdom. Your wisdom is what I need.

Help me Father to know what to do in this situation. I want your wisdom not mine and I want your will not mine.

Help me father to hear you voice and move when you have me move. I want to know when you speak to me and I don't want to make any mistakes. I know that your grace and your mercy are more then I can imagine. My problem has always been that I don't think that you love me more then I love me. I don't trust you like you want me to. Keep moving me towards a more complete trust in your Lord. Thank you for your patience with me.

I love you.

Your Protection and Strength.

2006-01-30T22:54:00.000-05:00

Lord please bless my business travels this week. Keep me pure for your glory. Holy Spirit be with me and strengthen me minute by minute. Make me aware and vigilant of the dark schemes satan uses to keep me from accomplishing the mission. Cover me Lord for you are my strength and my shield.

2 Chronicles 16:9 NIV For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

Your Will Father, Not Mine!

2006-01-30T11:25:00.000-05:00

Lord thanks so much for allowing the job interview to go the way it did today. I must admit that I was nervous. Especially when I was told that the company interviewing me discovered who I was working for. I can’t say that I was surprised by their reaction. I can understand their caution. I know that you are in control of the situation. Help me not to worry about tomorrow or what the future holds for me. Help me focus on what you would have me do today. I know that tomorrow is in your hands. Help me to focus on this fact and help me to continue to be sensitive to your voice.

I pray that your will would be done in the follow-up interview. Lord if you don’t want me to work with this company, please make it known clearly and fully.

Lord I love you and I fall short so many times. Thanks for loving me and for understanding my shortcomings and fears. Thanks so much for your infinite patience with me and the mercy and grace that you have imparted to my life. You are a truly awesome and mighty God. You see the future and you own tomorrow. My life is in your hands and I am secure in that. You promised to protect me and provide for me.

Help me to rest in you arms. Holy Spirit comfort and guide me in your will.

I love you.

Lord You Are The Potter.

2006-01-26T10:02:00.000-05:00

Lord I am humbled that you would use someone like me who has an addiction to help other men who struggle with the same issue. How can you use my example to impact other men when I am still in the throws of recovery myself? I don’t feel worthy or ready to take on what you have me doing. I drop to your feet father and submit myself to you. I can’t and don’t want to do anything on my own. Father I pray your spirit take me and use me as your mouthpiece. Please don’t let me make any mistakes with these men’s lives. Help me relay to them what you want to relay to them. Father please…please make me sensitive to your voice. Cause me to be quite when quite is needed and bold when boldness is needed.

Lord I pray that you would bring men to the group that need healing both spiritually and emotionally and that you would provide that healing through your words and not mine. Father help these men realize the dangers of pornography and attack it through your spirit. Bring to light the root cause of the problem in their lives and cause them to submit themselves to the healing that only you can give. Develop leaders from within and men who desire a more pure relationship with their God, their wives and their community.

Lord I submit myself to you now. I am your child and you are my Lord. Mold me Lord.

It's Difficult Father.

2005-12-21T22:30:00.000-05:00

Lord this life and the living of it is so difficult sometimes. I am so glad that you listen to my whining and complaining. I don’t want to complain to you I just want to fall into your arms and rest. I want you to hug me tight and wipe the tears that I have on the inside and let me know that you are here and that I have nothing to fear. I many time hate the fact that I have a human and sinful side that is weak and distrusting.

Lord help me and my wife to see that you are in control no matter how dark the clouds look or how weak our faith is. Help us to both let go and rest in your arms. Lord you have been teaching me now for sometime that I have absolutely no control over my life. Because this is a new concept for me I have to be reminded fairly often.

God please ingrain this into the deepest recesses of faithless heart. I don’t even want to have to be reminded of it. I want it to be as second nature as blinking my eyes or swallowing. We both need that peace that you can provide to our aching hearts. We need you Lord. I call out to you Father.

I love you.

Your Covering Lord

2005-10-30T22:07:00.000-05:00

Lord thank you so much for the productive week last week. I enjoyed the travel and the strength that you gave me to overcome the temptations that occurred. Help me to stay out of the "grey areas" I pray that you would continue to increase ant that I would decrease. Lord I pray that you would cover me with your protection and guide me this week. I need your strength to stay on track with my job. I ask that you would lead me to the accounts that would be profitable and that would glorify you. I really want the upcoming Chicago trip to be productive.

I pray for the meeting tomorrow with the new web development company. This business it yours Lord. Make it what you will. I seek your guidance. I also pray for my physical Tuesday. The stress that I have been under has been significant and has affected me in more ways then one. I really want to grow and understand more about how to control this part of my life through your strength and wisdom. I know I want your peace. Show me the way. Forgive me for my striving and ranting.

I love you Lord and I have missed the touch of your spirit for the past couple of day. I know it's me and not you. Give me your strength. Keep me strong. Protect me with your covering Lord.

No Second Thoughts

2005-10-23T00:26:00.000-05:00

No Second Thoughts…

Lord I am so weak when it comes to the longevity of thought of points that you are trying to teach me. How weak can one person be?

Hmmmm….

I guess a test of faith in this situation is when people that I respect and look up to spiritually, question my new found understanding and belief and instead of faltering, I hold fast to what you have taught me through your spirit. It doesn’t mean that I’m not teachable, it just mean I fully trust in what you have done in me.

Eureka!!!!

Lord how many time will you have to do this for me?

Ephesians 3:5-8 (NIV)

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.

8 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

Lord I strive to fully submit to you. Guide me to the goal. Strengthen me with you Holy Spirit and nourish me with the truth.

A Test Of Faith

2005-10-20T14:45:00.000-05:00

I think the Lord is allowing a test of my faith in him. My job isn’t going really well right now due to a “Catch 22” type of situation. It really makes me wonder if God might be trying to tell me something. Maybe a job change is on the horizion? I had an email exchange with the V.P. of the company that made me think I might be doing something wrong.

Well the issue here is that when I am doing my job “full force” they can’t seem to keep up and I end up looking like a dweeb to my customers or potential customers because they can’t seem to keep up and when I’m not going full force they complain I’m not doing enough.

How many times can I have egg on my face?

Their Issues:

Not getting samples out when they need to go out.

Not getting some samples out at all.

Lack of ability to be able to duplicate samples.

Lack of communication when orders are going to be late. (Lying about it)

Late getting my commission checks to me.

Late getting my expense reimbursements back to me.

Lack of communication period!

Conclusion:

There has to be some sort of cash flow issue that they are not telling me about. Their most recent complaint seemed to be awfully close to payday. This seems especially true since my commission check was much higher then normal. They also didn’t send the expenses that they owed me and have had an explanation that their accountant hasn’t gone over it yet. I think this is all a ploy to allow more time for checks to come in.

If they would just tell me what was going on I would understand. It is all just so disheartening and confusing.

Enter Satan

He wants me to strive and become shaken by these issues. God tell us this:

Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

John 14:27 NIV
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Revelation 2:10 NIV
Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.

The Holy Spirit has been teaching me to cast my life into the hands of the Father and not try to guide my life myself. I have been truly practicing this for the last 4 to 6 weeks. I think yesterday was the first true test.

Lord give me the strength to stand in the light of your promise. Give me wisdom beyond my years and most of all empower me with your Holy Spirit. I love you and depend you for comfort and strength. I can’t do it on my own.

I love you.

A Thankful Heart

2005-10-16T21:39:00.000-05:00

Lord I just couldn't go to bed tonight without thanking you for the wonderful weather. It really lifted my spirits everytime I looked out the window. I love you so much Lord and I am so very thankful that you are with me and I with you. You love me and you show me this everyday. You are awsome and worthy to be praised forever.

Thanks much for the music at church this morning. Jack played Phil Keaggy's "light of the common day". It was so soothing. It is just what I need to get me ready for 1st Timothy Chapter 6. Thanks so much for bring Jack to us. I pray the stays.

Thank for the wondeful cake recipe also Lord. It was awsome. I hope you enjoy it also.

Yours,

Scott

Oppression or Depression?

2005-10-12T20:31:00.000-05:00

Oppression or Depression

I’m not sure which it is. It just may be a combination or both. When I was waking up today I started my normal routine.

Snooze for 20 minutes.
Wish it was Saturday.
Finally put my feet on the floor.
Ask the Lord to guide the day.

Wake the kids up.
Feed them breakfast.

Check my email.
Browse the Drudge Report.

Get them dressed.
Fight with my youngest about his attire.
Give in to him because he’s good kid.
Take them to school.
Kiss them as they exit the car.

Drive back home.
Start the coffee.
Warm the baby’s bottle.
Get him out of the crib.
Turn on the tube.

Watch the news.

Say hello to my mom as she comes to watch the baby.
Fix her some coffee.
Make my wife some breakfast (sometimes)
Drink my first “Cup O Joe”

Make my breakfast
Have the second “Cup O Joe”

Enter the office to work.

The issue here is not necessarily the day but the content of the day that could be causing the problem here. I know I have had issues with mild depression in the past but today, well today it seemed to stay in at a level that wasn’t productive and I noticed it. In fact I was aware of how it was affecting me all day. I feel like it is oppression from the enemy of the Lord.

Recovery from an addiction understandably can cause chemical imbalances in the brain during the early stages of recovery. It is especially prevalent when it has been decades of abuse. The brain is a wondrous and marvelous creation of God. The healing that can take place when a brain is injured is phenomenal.

My brain is healing from decades of abuse. Decades of dumping pornographic images into it in order to medicate the pain that was buried deep within the mental coffers and recesses of my memory both long term and short term.

I didn’t turn to drugs or alcohol, mutilation or abuse. I turned to pornography to medicate.

Through the power of God’s Spirit I have been given the strength to stay sober. The sobriety is pushing me to deal with the pain, stress and issues in a different way. Typically I would use my drug of choice to escape. Pornography was my drug of choice but not anymore.

The issue here is that my brain is saying:

“OK dude…what are you doing to me here? Where is the adrenaline and dopamine that you were hookin’ me up with before? I’m not very happy here!!”

What I am saying back is:

“Hey we have got to think of another way to handle things here. Lets use things those are more pleasing to God. Let’s reach for a better more acceptable way”.

What I am dealing with here is a balancing act. I need to replace something good with something bad. I need to give my brain time to heal and adjust to the new way of dealing with pain and stress.

More then anything I need your Spirit Lord.
Be with me and guide me.
I want your strength not my own.
Heal me at you did the cripple at the pool of Bethesda.
Make me more sensitive to your voice.
Give me strength and courage to move when you speak.

Amen.

Seeking you.

2005-10-11T22:29:00.000-05:00

Lord, is it the past that echoes towards the mouth of the canyon?
Lord, is this the weathered and rugged path that so many have trodden?
Is this path only for me?
I search for you Lord.
I feel the gentle breeze of your guidance.
You are here.

Lord I need your strength to make it out of this canyon to your home.
The way is difficult.
I know this is a path but is it the path you want me on?
I listen for you Lord.
You are here.

Lord, it is narrow as you said.
I need you to help me make the next step.
Should I set my foot down now Lord?
I listen for you Lord.
You are here.

Lord I listen for you.

Your Spirit is comforting.
Your Spirit is everlasting.

Your way is pure and perfect.
Your way is true and straight.

Envelop me in your arms.
Hold me close and teach me about your way.
Diminish my fear with your loving touch.

Mercy and grace radiate from your countenance.
I want to bask in the light forever.
I long for you Lord.

You are here.

Staying on The Narrow Path.

2005-10-06T07:29:00.000-05:00

Lord the last couple of days have been very stressful and painful. I pray your grace and mercy over my family. I feel satan trying to steal the joy of the new found freedom and happiness that my family is enjoying by being close to you. Satan is not happy about this at all. I specifically pray for my daughter. Please give her the ability to overcome the adversity that satan is throwing her way. Please give her ears to hear and eyes to see. Keep your angels at watch over her Lord.

Please give me wisdom through all the attacks Lord. The disrespect is so very hard to handle and angers me tremendiously. I pray you give me the ability to handle this in a differenent way then my father did. Give me a new way of thinking through the power of your Holy Spirit. Give me understanding and wisdom that from you and not from my own mind. I want your way father. Please teach me.

Lord help me to focus on this versus today from James 1:
¹⁹My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. ²¹Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

I also ask that you continue to help me in my recovery. I continue to submit myself to you and to your Holy Spirit. Please guide me in this journey. I don't want to be here on my own. In fact I know I will fail if I try to do it on my own just as I have so very many times in the past. Thank you for keeping me sober through the past few, very difficult days. I know that there is marked progress.

Thank you Holy Spirit for comforting me yesterday through my son. When he came up to me and knew I needed a hug I felt you arms around me. Thank you father.

Take this day and use me for your glory. Holy Spirit strengthen me for the battle that lay ahead. Guide my sword in battle and help me to keep my armour in tact and in place.

I praise your name Lord Jesus. You are worthy.

A letter to Major Richard Winters

2005-10-02T21:19:00.000-05:00

Major Winters,

I truly hope that this email reaches you. I have wanted to send it for a couple of years now. I wanted you to know how much of a blessing your words where in the end of the movie Band of Brothers. My Grandfather Sgt. James E. Derrick Sr. was in the battle of the bulge and was hardened by war. I never truly knew him because of the battle scars he had emotionally.

He would never talk about his battle experiences. The truth of the matter is he had a hard time opening up or showing emotions period. I truly feel that he held the pain of war within him very deep until he died about 6 years ago.

We know that he had a serious case battle fatigue that he really never got over. I heard stories of the nightmares that he suffered with that would end up forcing my grandmother out of their bed at night and into another room.

I really never understood why he was the way he was until I watched the movie and heard your words. He Die about 6 years ago in a VA Hospital. I heard words from others that knew him that where whispers of what he had went through in that battle that included death and destruction beyond what is humanly comprehendible. Stories of sacrifice and pain that he endured to protect and honor his fallen brothers.

I am sure he suffered with these secret pains until he died.

I have a photo of him with his platoon after they took a German Fortress. It is a photo of him with his platoon holding up a German flag in front of a building. He kept the flag in the photo as well as German Aluminum ware with the German Swastika engraved in them from the fort. Being his only Grandson that could carry on the Derrick name it was handed down to me. I hold it as a prize possession of my grandfathers. To me it showed his courage and daring and willingness to struggle and fight for freedom in our country. I too became a service member and retired from the US Navy. I feel his blood in my veins and am proud to be his grandson.

Thank you for your sacrifice and for your legacy. You are a blessing. You truly helped me understand who my grandfather was.

Starting the Day with You.

2005-10-01T08:33:00.000-05:00

Lord I give you this day and ask you that you bless it to your glory. I want to serve today with a heart that is full. I thank you for the time I have been able to spend alone with my wife this weekend. It has been refreshing. The changes that you are making in my life through your spirit are marked and recognized. I am humbled. Lord please keep me strong through your spirit and help me to grow in you. I cannot do this without you Lord and I won’t pretend that I have the strength to do it on my own, not even a little. It’s all about you and your Spirit. Lead me and guide me.

Thank you for the music that my sister sent to me for my birthday. I know that you guided her so I could experience what I did this morning. It is a real blessing to see hundreds of kids worshiping you with hands raised and eyes closed. Especially when the youth of today seem to be so lost. Your spirit was rich this morning as I watched the DVD. I would love to visit and worship at the Hillsong Church in Australia. It would be a awsome. Please bring someone into my live today that needs to hear about you. Give me the courage to tell them about your mercy and grace. With you at my side I stand ready Lord.

The Two Faces Of God

2005-09-28T21:37:00.000-05:00

It has been interesting examining my understanding of how I view God in my mind. I would be interested in finding out how other people see God in their minds eye. I have two very different view of who God is. One is when I am in worship of him. I find myself standing around the glassy sea looking to an island that is in the middle of the sea. The water is calm and reflects the blue sky of heaven. There is a bright light emanating from the middle of the island and that light is God. There are cherubim and seraphim circling above and thousand of people with their heads bowed or hands raised to heaven in praise or our Lord. Everyone us dressed differently but the color is pure white. The colors are more brilliant and the air is pure like the smell of the air after it rains.

There is a peace that is beyond comprehension.

The other view I have of him is after I sin. I see him as my earthly father. A man who was very heavy handed and abusive both emotionally and physically towards me. I see his disgust after I have disappointed him with my actions. I feel like I just couldn’t match up to what he expects. I expect the worst to happen to me because of my failures with pornography or any sin. I see his disgust mostly towards pornography because it has been my core sin. I hear him say I can’t believe you did that again! I feel him giving up on me and going on to the next person who he has faith in.

Lord, I know this is not the correct way to see you and I feel that it has hindered my relationship with you. It has blocked my understanding of your mercy and grace because my father didn’t have mercy or grace with me. Help me to wash these thoughts away with the wisdom that only comes from your Holy Spirit. Help me to see your face in a way that will add depth and richness to my walk with you. Redeem my past for your glory. Help me to understand how your mercy and grace covers my past sins. Help me to understand how you will use it for your glory.

I love you and I am yours.

Undestanding my Thoughts and You

2005-09-26T21:07:00.000-05:00

Lord I don’t feel like I got a lot done today. I know I got in about three good hours of work and did accomplish some things but today just felt so blah. I have felt a heaviness that I can’t explain. I feel like it might almost be mild depression. I thought that going to my accountability group today might be helpful but we just didn’t go deep. I definitely was disappointed. I really need to get my feeling out and examine them. Strange how these days come. I know I didn’t submerse myself in your word this morning. I know you were the first words on my lips this morning. There is no “magic formula”. I am learning that Lord.

Help me realize why this is happening and give me the strength though it. Help me to focus on my work and set goals for what I would like to accomplish with what I do for a living. Help me to continue to learn how to use the evangelism tools I’m trying to learning from the “way of the master”. Use me for your glory. . I pray I hear your voice and that your spirit would lead me.

I also pray for Danica Gross. Please continue to use her life to glorify you my savior. Heal her if it be your will and take her home if would glorify you more. Give her family understanding.

Help me not to see my fathers face on you. Please be more real to me each and every day through your Holy Spirit. I especially love it when you come to me in my dreams Lord. Come quickly Holy Spirit.

I love you.

Scott

An Emotional and Stressful Week

2005-09-23T21:18:00.000-05:00

What an emotional week it has been.

My Work
My Family
Myself

Work still seems to be confusing to me lately. My work ethic has been in the toilet lately. I don’t want to lose heart but I can’t seem to get the edge back that I had in the past. I keep trying to get myself motivated to be more aggressive bit I can’t seem to get the excitement back. It seems like all I’m trying to do now is build new business in case I lose any of my current customer. The excitement doesn’t seem to be there anymore.

It used to be that I strived to reach the goals that I had set for myself or by the company. A lot of it revolves around the corporate office. They have really been dropping the ball lately and are extremely short handed. It really isn’t an excuse because it has been happening now for at least two years. The problem is that is seems to been getting worse over the past 6 to 9 months. It has also become very very evident that the company is having financial problems. They deny it but both Kevin and I think that it’s true and that they are hiding something. I just can’t figure it out. I am also very discourage that they continue to send orders out late and they can’t get sample out in time for prospective business.

This is really killing my motivation and rightly so. Recently every time both Kevin and I get an opportunity it is lost or we end up with egg on our face having to apologize for the lack of speed at getting the sample shipped even if the customer has requested it as a rush. Research and Development departments don’t take kindly to that sort of customer service. Neither do I! It is appalling.

I really need to find some other motivation or some other line to compliment what I alreacy have. I try to stay optimistic but it just isn’t happening. I prayed hard about it today. I need to give it over to the Lord everyday. I really feel like I need to stop worrying about it an trust that whatever happens he’s got it in his hands. I know that is what you are are teaching me to do Lord. Help me do it.

I need to do the same thing with my daughter. Stop worrying. Trying to get a 16 year old daughter to listen to you your fatherly advice seems to almost be impossibility at her age. I am now the most unintelligent and stupid person my daughter knows besides my wife. . Man I wish there as some sort of vaccine for whatever teenage attitude virus she has. I would pay anything for the cure. Help me to be a good father Lord. Give me wisdom from you. I need that badly

I do love her dearly and I will continue to be patient with her through your spirit. It just seems like that is where the majority of my energy is going. I must admit that almost all my energy lately is going to my four children. Baseball has been consuming a lot of it.

My group therapy has also been taking a lot of time. The writing assignments are quite lengthy and emotionally charged. They take me back to places I didn’t want to visit again. I have not been concentrating on them as much as I should have be and I procrastinate most of the week until Monday. Tuesday is the day that I have to have it complete for the nights session. I need to spend more time with this but my family and work responsibilities are thick. I also find that I have been getting very tired and I’m not able to say up as late as I had been. I am almost always ready to go to bed not at ten o’clock. Heck I used to stay up till midnight watching the tube hoping to satisfy some my addiction while channel surfing.

All it all it was a stressful week but I did well. I feel like expressing my emotions to my wife has really been kept the addiction at bay. I am cautious though. I know that satan roams the earth seeking whom he might devour. I don’t want to be the one he targets.

I am grateful that the Holy Spirit is interceding for me to the Father. My energy level right now just doesn’t seem to be there. I did however have a wonderful conversation with God this morning on the way to Greenville. It was empowering and did recharge my batteries. I did enjoy traveling today. It was nice to get away for the day and eat lunch out on the company. I had Sushi at Sato’s new restaurant in Greenwood. It was a real blessing. Lord I just realized I forgot to pray over the meal before I ate it. Please forgive me. Thanks for the raw fish it was really good.

Thank you my Triune God for your mercy and grace in my daily life. Look after my family and financial situations. They are in your hands. Help me to keep them out of mine.

I love you.

Scott

The Spirits Touch

2005-09-21T09:44:00.000-05:00

It is amazing how clear things have been for the over the past couple of days since my last blog. The Holy Spirit opened my mind to understand exactly what Paul was saying. He actually did this while I was writing the blog. It was definitely the Holy Spirit that allow my mind to comprehend the point that Paul was trying to make. It is simply amazing to me how clear the voice of the Holy Spirit is when I encounter him in my dreams or through meditation on God’s word.

I told my pastor that his voice is unmistakable to me. It is like the kings signet ring stamped into wax on the back of an envelope. When I hear his voice or have some sort of encounter the clarity is unmistakable and the emotional sensitivity and euphoria is almost overwhelming and for me that is his signature. It causes me to be almost childlike in my actions and what I would consider “overzealous” in my desire to tell other people what has been revealed to me.

One issue for me in all of this is that I consider the overzealousness to be a weakness. I feel that control should be exerted in these sort of situations to avoid offending others that might not be in the same place and also to avoid causing people to close themselves off from what you are say. This is earthly understanding of how I should handle what I consider to be a gift of God. I have a feel that my understanding might not apply the same is all situations.

I feel that I should be listening to the Holy Spirits voice. If he instructs me to be excited, zealous or overzealous then I should do so. He knows what the situation needs at that time. What I need from you God is to know that I hear your voice loud and clear and the courage and strength to do what you ask me to do regardless of any presuppositions that may have been formed from earlier encounters or mindsets.

I think this thought pattern runs along the lines of desiring to be fearless for Christ.

Hmm….

Understanding Sinful Nature

2005-09-19T10:18:00.000-05:00

It is confusing and disheartening many times to see all the pain and suffering that this world has been undergoing lately. It has really caused me to stop and consider my faith in my God and how I fit in to what God’s plan is for me in this life. Am I strong or am I weak? The old Sunday school song that says “we are weak but he is strong”. I am slowly but surely learning through wise council and through unlearning years of “wrong thinking” cultivated by decades of addiction to pornography that I have to admit that I have absolutely no control of my life and that my sin has become unmanageable. I cannot manage my sin or my sinful nature in anyway. Left to my own devices I would drown in a sea of sin and Godlessness.

Paul said it best in Romans Chapter 7 (NIV):

¹⁴We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. ¹⁵I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. ¹⁸I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. ²⁰Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

²¹So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. ²²For in my inner being I delight in God's law; ²³but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. ²⁴What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? ²⁵Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

The first principle for L.I.F.E Guide For Men written by Dr. Mark Laaser is being used as a Christian group therapy guide that I am working through with other Christian men says this:

1. We admit that we have absolutely no control of our lives. Sexual sin has become unmanageable.

Much of this statement runs counter to everything that I learned in my life. I in no way pretend to understand it fully and may not this side of heaven although I pray that though the spirit of God it will be revealed to me. The following thoughts are what I feel now as I work through the above statement.

I’ve always thought that I had some sort of control of my life especially when it came to sin. “If I read my bible a little bit more”, If I wake up in the morning and pray for a half an hour prior to starting my day I won’t sin or commit adultery with my eyes or in my heart. Sayings like the Lord helps those who help themselves, Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, I could insert a thousand other things in the next sentences to reflect other thoughts on what should do to manage my own sin or even life. The bottom line is that I have no control. I can put a proverbial dot on the i and cross on the t and I will still sin the same. I am helpless. If this is not true that why did Paul say what he said in Romans?

Now here is what I feel I do understand. I have Christ in my heart and he is my Lord and Savior. He has rescued me from the law of sin and death and paid the price for my sins because he loves me and wants me with him in eternity. Romans 8:2 says this:

²because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

Why am I free from the law because I am helpless to keep it and God knew this and sent Jesus to die for me because I could not keep it. Therefore I reason that I cannot be faithful to God because I am a lost to sin. The epiphany that I feel I have just come to is this. It is Christ through his Holy Spirit living in me that can live a faithful life and not myself. It has to be more Christ and less of Scott in order for faithfulness to be accomplished. If I enter into the mixture under my own strength and not that of the Holy Spirits I am doomed to failure. I must surrender all and I must surrender often many times by the minute or hour in order to be led by the Holy Spirit.

Lord help me to understand your Holy Spirit more. Help me to hear your voice more clearly. I surrender to you right now at this minute help me to make it two minutes, hours and days, months and years through your power. Thank you for loving me in all my weakness and though my addiction and the truly horrid things that that sin did to my relationship with you. You never change and you weren’t looking at me with my earthly fathers eyes and voice. You loved me through my failures and disobedience towards you. You blessed me when I deserved punishment and died for me when I am the one that deserves death.

I look forward to being with you in heaven and casting my crown down around the glassy sea in praise of you for eternity.

Being 42

2005-09-08T10:44:00.000-05:00

Man…wanna talk about reality hitting you smack in the face. I was driving down the road on my birthday which is September the 6^th and all of a sudden I realized I was 42 years old which is much closer to 50 then 20. WHAT!!! How can I even be close to 50. I don’t feel that way in my mind. I remember when my Dad turned 50. I thought he was ancient. I don’t think that anymore. Granted, my body feels the brunt of my age but that is mostly because I’m out of shape and about 50 pounds overweight.

It is a cruel reality that has come to my attention over the past few years. Your mind never catches up with your age. I still feel many times like a teenager and get chewed out many times because I act the age of my mind. It is really fun to interact with my young sons and enjoying my childhood all over again. Yes I live through my children many times. I am a good father and I do not place myself in their lives as their “best friend” but I do enjoy getting in trouble with them from time to time. My wife doesn’t realize it I don’t think but it is kind of endearing to get chewed out. Strange huh?!

It may be that your spirit never ages and your body does which would confirm what the bible says about the body only being temporary. It is truly amazing how the Lord teaches me new lessons each and everyday.

A Breaking Heart

2005-09-03T12:37:00.000-05:00

My heart is breaking watching as I watch the calls for help from the New Orleans Superdome and on I-10 adjacent to the dome. I am angry and sad at the same time. I have actually thought about getting in my car and going to the dome to try and help some people get out of the city. Maybe we could take a family in for awhile and help them get back on their feet. I want to do this but I sit in the comfort of my home and I fret over how problems will resolve themselves. I feel that if I go I could put my family in jeopardy. What if I get killed by some of the gang that are in the area looting and preying on people. Would it be better to just give money to the church or the Red Cross?

Where is my faith now? Am I being wise or selfish?

God I know that in Psalms 50:10 you say that you are the master of the cattle on a thousands hills. I understand that everything that is above on and under the earth you own. It is all yours. I also understand what you did to Sodom and Gomorra. I have been to New Orleans and the surrounding area. Bourbon Street is what I would consider just that. Are you cleansing the land Lord? Would I be going against your will? I don’t think I would but I’m just asking the question because there is a question in my heart.

Lord please forgive me of my sins against you and purify my heart. Help me to be more like you and call me out of my iniquity and slothfulness. Please help the people in New Orleans Lord. They need you and they need help. Show them who you are Jesus. Show them the true hope and peace that come through you. Show me how I can help Lord.

In Jesus Name I pray.

Beating the Blahh's

2005-08-16T13:58:00.000-05:00

Wow...has it been that long since I last blogged? It's amazing how quickly a resolution is left basking in the wake of my forward moving, ever busy, lifestyle. I sometimes wonder if my busyness is an excuse not to write down how I am feeling about myself or my life. Maybe I don't want anyone to know how melancholy I can become or how low I feel I have sank into the blaa's.

Routine...Routine...Routine. It just all seems so predictable sometimes. Not that predictability isn't really great…but sometimes I appreciate random instances. GOOD random instances. The OBTW instances are normally stressful.

I am a Christian and I am very thankful for my life and how the Lord has blessed me but I am very much a human. I worry too much...I don't trust God enough and I don't read my bible enough. I many times feel alone. Like i'm fighting the fight by myself. Not the model of true Christianity for sure. Not what I really want to be at all. I definitely want to be more like Christ but on what I would consider a more realistic level I want to be like Billy Graham. To me he is a true model of what a Christian should be. Yes, Christ is the first example...first and foremost but Billy....Billy is the true modern day example of disciple.

Yes I've been struggling....I've been working the steps to recovery. God has directed my steps and I am thankful to him. I thank him so much for his patience with me and the grace that he continues to show me. I so many time place my fathers face on God.....not a good thing to do. Not at all! It seems to block me from understanding who God truly is and what true love is. I mean I have seen the literal meaning, but what I am talking about is understanding. True understanding. The kind of understanding that is absorbed down to the marrow of your being.

God I pray you continue to bless my family despite my weaknesses and blunders and blahh's. Help me to dig deep and learn more.

I love you.

So Long

2005-04-03T21:14:00.000-05:00

Wow,

Has it been that long since my last post? Wow so much had transpired since my last post. I think that last three months have been a whirlwind. We are finally in the house and settling in. It is just amaizing how much work and how much stress was involved. As hard as I tried I couldn't help but become a bit overwhelmed. I do think I did well though...considering.

I am thankful to God that my health held up and that the Lord helped me get everything that needed to be done..done. Thanks you for your mercy and grace father. You good gifts are too wonderful for me to fully embrace. It is surreal.

Help me father to use this house for your glory and to further your kingdom. It is your house father not mine. I look forward to the day when I am in the house that you have built for me. I am most sure that it is unimaginable.

Thank you saviour. I am yours.

Scott

Our House in the Woods.

2005-01-03T01:02:00.000-05:00

When my wife and I decided to consider looking for a new home three years ago we were doing it for all the right reasons. We were planning on having our third child together which would make for total of 4 children. Yep I have one from a former “failed” marriage. Of course it is difficult for me to consider it failed since I have a beautiful daughter from the whole experience. But that is a blog for another time.

Where was I…oh yeah...another home. Well we considered buying a spec built home. We also considered building. Our first choice was to buy a home that was already built. It made more since to us since it would give us the “instant gratification” of seeing what it looked like immediately. You just walk through, imagine your stuff in it and take mental ownership. Easy right? Hmmm…right!

We actually went as far as putting a down payment on a home or should I say a couple of homes. We got all excited, took mental ownership of the properties and planned and prayed. Well the two properties that we looked at in the beginning weren’t what God wanted for us. We thought they were. We thought we were dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s. We were being frugal and considering the future. We prayed about it. We were being wise with our finances but it wasn’t what God wanted in our lives at that time. He closed the doors on both of the properties.

Well time passed, a baby was born and our home ran out of space.

The long and short of it is that the Lord showed us a piece of property that was everything I have pretty much dreamed of and we are in the process of building a home on it right now. We came to know the about the availability of this property do to God’s providence. We knew of the property a couple of years previously while we were looking for other property to build a home on. I remember the first time I saw it my mouth dropped open and both myself and my wife just said WOW!

I never dreamed that we could afford it. This property is full or hardwood trees such as red oak, hickory, poplar and dogwood. It has a creek at the bottom of it that is more like a ditch but it does have moving water so I call it a creek. It is 3.04 acres and it was and is to me, a little slice of heaven.

I call it a little slice of heaven because I see God the fathers majesty in the trees as the wind blows through the branches of dogwood and poplar. I feel his presence as I saw a buck standing feet from me as I walked along the creek. All I can say is that he shows himself to me when I am there alone. There are things that the Holy Spirit has taught me in the quite walks that I have taken with him there. He puts his arm around my shoulder as we walked and he points to his work and he teaches me through godly metaphors about what he is showing me and how it applies to my life and my children’s lives. He awakens my senses to things I have never seen or heard or smelled. He tells stories about how he knew a 220 year old oak tree planted by a river would be used to teach me about how he wants me to live my life for him even before it had take root or even germinated as a seedling.

Yet the world seems to work its way back into this beautiful picture even now. Closing cost, self employment taxes, construction overages and just plain cost of living threatens and seeks to steal the peace and joy that the Lord has given me about his will for us on this property.

Do I think it's God's will that we are on this property?

You bet I do.

Do we have debt that we shouldn't have while seeking God's will in this issue

Yes we do.

Then why did you still move forward with the building if you arn't debt free? Didn't you have all the closing costs saved prior to building? No I didn't.

I did it because I felt God move in my heart. I felt him say...have faith that I will provide for you even though the road from here to there looks a bit rocky. I felt him say..."stay faithful to me and watch me work in your life and in the lives of your wife and children". This is what I wanted you to have when you were out of my will with the first properties you asked for. Remember when you got really dissappointed and mad when they didn't go throught like you wanted? I wanted something even better for you."

God please keep us in your will. When things seem to not look right and the enemy or tries to come in and steal our peace with fear and doubt. Please whisper to our hearts with your spirit. Put your arm around me just like you did in the woods and teach me and reassure me. I still pray your will in this situation Lord. If you don't want us in this home, don't let us make a mistake and move there. Your will and not mine Lord.

I love you my savior and my life. Guide me I pray. Praise you Holy Spirit for your unceasing guidance and your unfailing patience with me.

Happy New Year 2005

2005-01-01T03:54:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! I pray that the Lord will be with me and my family as we make a lot of changes in our lives this year. Be with us Lord as make this journey. I pray your will over our new home and our transition into it. Please provide for us as you have been Lord. Thank you for all you have done and for what you will do. I praise you Lord.

Amen.

An Observation of God

2004-12-31T02:38:00.000-05:00

I couldn't go to bed to night without making a comment on a piece of news that I heard on the tube tonight. It talked about the death toll caused by the tsumani in the indian ocean. It was a story about how the animals escaped the wrath of the tsunami and the humans didn't . The news explained that animal have a sense of pending doom or a sixth sense that humans don't. In fact you can read a quick article about it here.

I do not agree with their conclusion.

I believe that God saved the animals. Yes they do have the sense of nature that we don't have but it is all God given for a reason. I believe in part that God gave Satan the authority to cause what happened with a catch. The catch was that the animals wouldn't be harmed. People are the sinful element in this world not animals. I believe in part that God allowed Satan to have his way with the people of Indonesia. I believe in part that he allowed it to happen so that they would turn from their false gods and turn to the one true God...the God of Abraham. God the father of our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ.

I believe that God wanted to make a statement to the people of Indonesia and to the world but the world wants to explain it away as a natural circumstance. They fail to see the providence of God in this instance. They don't see that God in present in nature all around us and that he in many ways paints a picture of himself. I think we just need to slow down and look around and make an observation of God.

I pray for the people in Indonesia. I pray that God would bring them the saving grace that they so desprerately need. I pray that he would restore them and that the famalies that have lost loved ones will be comforted by his Holy Spirit.

Sickness and Suffering

2004-12-27T21:42:00.000-05:00

Well I’ve been sick now for about two and a half weeks and it is starting to get a bit worse. It seems to be effecting my sinuses primarily now. Both my ears have been stopped up all day. I’m just not feeling well. I want to complain and whine but I’m convicted. The Holy Spirit reminds me that many others have suffered pains that I can’t imagine for the glory of the Lord. People have died and will continue to suffer and die for their faith in the Lord Jesus.

A couple of instance that come to mind are Peter the Disciple and Paul the Apostle. History tells us that Peter was crucified upside; the bible tells us how Paul was imprisoned many times and suffered with his “Torn in the flesh”. He was also whipped and beaten for his faith. The bible also tells us in Romans 8:28 “In all things God works for the good of those who love him and that are called according to his purpose”. I cannot in good conscience complain about my pain and earthly suffering when God is working for my good through it. I have to believe that he is, some how in his vast wisdom, creating or instilling some value or “holy callus” on my soul. My thought is that he will use my suffering as a tool for his kingdom. I do believe in God’s healing power but I also have to know that his grace is sufficient and that he is in control of it all, both healing and suffering and that he will also be glorified through both.

So I must count my suffering as a blessing in God’s eternal plan for my life as well as his kingdom here on earth and in heaven. How many people throughout history have suffered or been killed so that the Lion of Judah would be lifted up. If my suffering will influence even one soul to turn to Jesus then so be it Lord. I know your grace is sufficient and that you will give me the strength to endure.

Thank you Lord for loving me. Thank you for touching me. I love you.

The Values of Yesterday

2004-12-20T22:28:00.000-05:00

You know it’s funny, I'm 41 years old and some of the warmest memories that I have of my life is when I was a child at Christmas. Things like getting my new bicycle or going to buy fireworks for New Years. I even watched old movies when I was younger that reflected the values of my grandparents and enjoyed them. Not necessarily because I new that they reflected the values of my grandparents but because they gave you a "warm fuzzy feeling" inside when it was over. I never will forget watching ‘Old Yellow” when I was a kid. One of the only things I remember was crying my eyes out when the little boy who owned old yellow had to shoot him. It was fairly traumatic to me at 8 years old to see a boy shoot his dog. Man I cried my eyes out!

Even though it was traumatic it had value. I have always heard about and wanted to watch a movie called “It’s a wonderful life” staring Donna Reed and Jimmy Stewart. It is funny that tonight was the first night I have ever watched it through from beginning to end. I have always seen snippets of it but never the whole thing. How wonderful it was! I wish they still made movies like that. Back it PC wasn’t the in thing. Movies for the most part back in those days had values. The movies today just seem to lack substance or any sort of moral or ethical character.

Yes I am a Christian and love Godly movies but I’m not stuck in the mode of no excitement or entertainment value solely for moral principals. Not even Old Yeller or It’s a Wonderful Life were without some moral flaws but they were for the most part wholesome substantive. One of the most recent movies that I can say had true value has been Lord of The Rings. I really enjoyed the action and threads of moral fiber woven through the movie. There is something about the fight between good and evil and human spirit that intrigues me. I’m sure it has to do with my faith. But this isn’t about me.

My grandparents and their parents back through the generations saw redeeming value in goodness, kindness and a giving spirit. I am saddened to see the generation that is up and coming being led away from our former values. What are we thinking? Were the values or our grandparents or even the framers of our constitution wrong? One of the saying my pastor has it this, “It’s not that this country wants freedom of religion but freedom from Christianity” How true this is.. We continue to push the values of our parents and grandparents out of our schools and workplaces. We think of it as opening the doors to be more tolerant of other religions. Thinking of it as being more open but what we are doing it pushing Christianity out.

It was not the intention of our forefathers to create a country in which the gift given by God would be “bastardized” by politically correcting the very provider of that freedom out of our schools, work places and communities. Our country was founded on Judeo Christian Values. The God of Abraham and of King David and of Paul the Apostle should be the center of this country’s values structure.

God is a jealous God and he desires the attention of his creation. If he does not get that attention he will allow things to come into our lives that will drive us back to him. I believe that America is in store for a massive wake-up call. I believe that 911 was just a small wake-up call compared to what is going to happen. Remember how many people cried out to God during that terrible day in September? I remember. I also remember that it only lasted about 6 weeks before the political bashing started again and people who started going back to church, stopped.

I pray for our country. I pray for our children. God please have mercy on us and keep us safe. Forgive us for pushing you out of our government. We need you there. Please soften the hearts of our leaders and give them wisdom to look to you. Protect President Bush and guide him with your spirit. Empower him to make the right decision for us.

Forgive us father.

A Vision Of You.

2004-12-07T10:05:00.000-05:00

Thank you Father. The vision that you gave me of you on the cross was more real then anything that I have ever experienced with you. You didn’t say a word to me you just hung there and looked at me with your eyes of love. I saw the blood dripping from you feet and streaming you’re your legs. The only thing I could think is why? Why would you die for me? I have done nothing to deserve you love, nothing to deserve your forgiveness. I have sinned against you so many times. I have used you name in horrible ways. Yet you would hang on a cross and suffer torment and anguish. You were even separated from your Father as you took the whole sin weight of everything I will do in my life. I caused you to suffer but you loved me and did it for me anyway

Thank You Lord.

Then while I was weeping you faded the vision to the garden tomb where you rose from the grip of death and you came out of the tomb and walked towards me. You enveloped me in an embrace of love that defies description. The tears that flowed and the understanding that you were with me is what I needed.

Thank You Lord.

Third Day really did well describing how I caught a glimpse of you on Sunday morning during communion. I also like their song “All Consuming Fire”. Unfortunately the sweet touch of your Holy Spirit cannot be fully described in words. I tried to tell Nicole about it but I couldn’t pass on to here what I had felt. The reason is that you meant it for me.

Thank You Lord.

Their is no earthly description of your love for us. We cannot fathom your love. But you Holy Spirit did a good job of loving me Sunday. Thank you for your Holy Spirit and the hug that you gave me. I can’t say that I have ever felt anything like that in my lifetime or seen a vision like you gave me. You Love Me!! I have felt your presence but not in such a real and palatable way. Please visit me again like!! I want more from you Holy Spirit.

Teach me more about your supernatural power and help me to hear your voice more clearly everyday. Change me, mold me give me your will not mine. Use you for your glory Lord Jesus.

Thank You Lord.

Thank You Lord!

2004-12-06T23:55:00.000-05:00

Thank you my heavenly father that you have given me this outlet to write down my thoughts and the journey that you have taken me on thus far in my life. I hope to be able to share my victory's my failures and my walk with you. I also hope that you will be glorified through my words and that someone somewhere might be blessed in knowing that another Christian is calling out to you for guidance, wisdom as they live their life with you. Guide me father and be my voice to a lost and dying world. Thank you for rescuing me out of the clutches of sin and death. Thank you for your Holy Spirit and the truth that is revealed though him.

I want to continue to drink from your fountain of life Lord. Change my will and make it yours. Lord, take my life and mold me into what you would have me be.

I am your child and you are my Father.

The Big Fish

2004-08-19T01:54:00.000-05:00

Wow...my son Seth...6 caught his first fish today. It was a 3.5 pound large mouth bass. He had been bugging me for 2 days to take him fishing. Well after church on Sunday I told him if he took a nap that I would take him. Well he did’t take a nap but he did rest so after supper both he and I and his younger brother Sam went fishing. Well I didn’t even take a stringer because I thought I would be untangling line and helping them cast their lines the whole time but boy was I wrong.

We got down to the waters edge at the base of the lake dam and Seth made his first attempts at casting. Well he didn’t do very well even after instruction so I helped both he and Samuel. I showed them the proper way to cast and to retreive the line for maximum effect. Well low and behold after about the 15 cast Seth got a bite. It scared him to death and he screamed my name out. Well I quickly went to him seeing that he needed help. I took the rod from him because it looked as if it would be pulled from his hands. As I took the rod I was amaized at the fight the fish was giving. I know it must have been a large fish. Well when the fish broke the water my assumption was correct. The fish flailed and Seth shouted WOW DAD!!!. I gave the rod back to Seth so he could see how hard he was pulling. He still couldn’t handle the fish so I decide to bring him in the rest of the way. Both Seth and Sam were so excited I could hardly contain them.

Well I got the fish unhooked and thought to myself. What am I gonna do with this thing. It’s my son’s first fish. I don’t have a stringer should I put it back in? Well I quickly decided to keep it and saw a large bush of clump grass behind me. I put the fish in the clump grass trying to keep the ants off of it.

I went back to helping both Seth and Sam cast again. Well about 5 minuites later Seth hooked another one. I was astounded. Talk about beginners luck. All I could do was be proud of him and thank the Lord for his blessing. This time the fish was much smaller about a 1.5 pound large mouth. It was still a good fight for him. I did have to help him a small amount when the fish tangled himself around a submerged tree limb but after I did that I gave it to him and made him pull it it.

I felt so sorry for Sammy not catching a fish. He was a little disappointed but it wasn’t affecting him like I thought it would. He was just having fun trying. I did praise him for his ability to catch on to the casting of the closed face reel. He really did well. Much better then his older brother. I would say he would cast it 15 to 20 feet farther on average.

Needless to say it was exciting. It took me back to the time when I caught my first large size bass. My father took it to a taxidermist to get it mounted. Well the guy never mounted it. I was devistated. I always said that I would mount my son’s first bass.

Well I plan on doing that tomorrow. I have frozen both fish whole and I plan on calling a taxidermist tomorrow. I want to have them mounted together sided by side on one plaque.

It almost feels like I am healing a wound that I had as a child when my fish was never mounted. It was a 6 to 7 pound large mouth. I caught it when I was 9 years old. I looked forward to seeing that fish again for almost a year until I learned that the taxidermist we took it to couldn’t find it. I was devistated.

Thank you my saviour for remembering my dream of doing this for my boys. Thank you for giving us those fish today. Not only has it fulfilled a dream but it has soothed a empty spot in my heart. Your mercy faithfulness is great. You knew what heppened when I was 9 and you know my dream for my childern. I pray that you would provide a fish for Sammy next time we go. Bless him with one for his wall also father. Maybe even two or three.

I love you Lord. Thank you so much. I am humbled at your great mercy and love. You amaze me time and time again. My son will always be able to look at his wall and remember the time we went fishing together and he caught the big fish. I promise I will tell him tomorrow that you provided it.

Protect us this night as we sleep and wake us with songs of praise on our hearts for you.

I love you father.

The "Rest" of The Day

2004-08-15T01:48:00.000-05:00

Had a great day today with my oldest son Seth. We went metal detecting early in the morning. He really enjoyed finding the small coins that we found. They wern’t of great monitary value but he is just starting to learn about money and enjoyed the activity. I still have a bit of a upper respitory infection but I feel pretty good. I was tired after we finished metal detecting and I decided to take a nap. Nicole my lovely wife blessed me with free time. She went shopping today and bought me a really nice Cutter & Buck gold shirt that was on sale. I really like it a ton.

I put 50 pounds of feed corn out for the Deer in hopes that it would draw them close to the house again. I really enjoy looking at God’s creation. It is magnificent. I hope the turkeys come back also.

Nicole and I sat on the couch in each others arms tonight and watched the Olympics from Athens. We enjoyed seeing the US Swim team win Gold. I don’t remember the guys name that won but he was very fast and very powerful. I enjoyed our time together. She is so loving and truly is my best friend.

Lord thank you for this day and thank you for my childern and my wife. They are wonderful gifts from you father. Please protect them and keep them in your care. Bless them beyond their wildest dreams Lord. Help me to get well and help me draw close to you at church tomorrow. I pray your blessing on the service and on the Pastor Jeff as well as the worship leader.

I also pray for Lee and the team from the Harbour Church. Please protect them as they leave for England in a few weeks. Keep them from temptation and prepare their hearts for what they will experience. I also pray for my Dad help him Lord with his depression. Draw him to a more pure and holy relationship with you. Give him peace in his life and with his past. Keep him safe as he travels to Florida tomorrow. Keep my family safe as we sleep this night I pray in Jesus name, Amen.